5 Things That Need to End in 2016
The New Year is an opportunity wipe the slate clean and start fresh. An opportunity to put to rest the things in our lives that caused us stress, grief, gastrointestinal anguish, or whatever. With that said, to say the following five things caused me any of those emotions would be a stretch. They are simply five things that have overstayed their welcome, and I think it's time to move on.
Congratulations! You have enough testosterone to have long, flowing locks of pubic hair birth themselves from your pores. Does this make you more "manly"? Maybe, but the only person that cares is you. From someone whose genetics allow him to grow the same amount of facial hair over the course of a month as a 13-year-old middle school student, let me say, you've proved your point, now shave that bird's nest.
Over-the-Top Wedding Proposals
So you finally found that special someone that puts up with your quirks and B.S., and you want to lock them in for the long term. That's great. Good for you. Everyone needs somebody. But let's scale it back a bit when it comes to the moment where you physically put a ring on it. These over-the-top proposals have come to the point where I think people are more excited about trying to outdo each other, and the potential 15-seconds of internet stardom they'll get when the video of them using the U.S. Navy Seals to airdrop the engagement ring into a class of champagne from 10,000 feat then they are about the actual engagement itself. Let's this also be a warning gentlemen, going all out on the engagement may set the bar, and future expectations, at a height you'll never be able to reach again. Just do what I did, ask her on the couch while watching TV on a Friday night. (In hindsight, don't. Find a happy medium between the two).
Reality Singing Competitions
I'll admit, I will watch The Voice from time to time. Of the two big players in the world of reality singing competitions, I like the concept of this one. My problem with them lies in the fact they tout themselves as a show that will give us the next big thing in music. Let's see here, what are Javier Colon, Jermaine Paul, Tessanne Chin, Craig Wayne Boyd, Ruben Studdard, Taylor Hicks, and Lee Dewyze up to these days? If you said, "Who?" to any of those names, you just proved my point. At least American Idol realized the fad has run its course, as they'll begin their final season in early 2016. They may have realized it five years to late, but at least they realized it. The hope for these shows of course is to hopefully give America (and the world) the next...
Dammit Taylor! Why must you infect us with your adorable good looks, catchy tunes, and down-to-earth personality that makes us all feel like we're your best friend and honorary members of your "squad"? Would anyone be surprised if one day she stood on stage and pulled off her face to reveal that she's part of an alien race that's come to Earth to enslave us all? Probably not. And by that time it would be too late. We're already entranced by her magical siren song, and would happily hum the melody to "Shake It Off" while our new alien overloads keep us in tiny cages so they may harvest our organs in an attempt to fill their insatiable appetite for immortality.
We love you Taylor, don't ever change. BFF's 4-EVA!
Remember when you got on Facebook and all you saw were photos of friends' kids? Yeah, me either. It feels like forever ago. We're at a point now where the Facebook News Feed should be renamed, "What's Everyone Pissed About Today?" There's a mob mentality with social media that seems to get worse each day. Offended by something? I bet there are other people out there that are offended by the same thing. So you gather everyone up into a little social media hate-clique, and scream about the thing you perceive to be some catastrophic injustice. Not offended by something? Someone is offended that you're not offended. Don't get me wrong, there are a ton of social injustices going on in this world that need to stop, and social media is a terrific tool to raise awareness for those causes, but if you're offended (for whatever silly reason) that certain stores are opening on Thanksgiving night to start Black Friday early, don't go shopping that night. Why you feel compelled to jump on Facebook and try to make yourself out to be some modern day Jimmy Hoffa, championing for worker's rights is beyond me.
Bottom line, the world is full of people that don't share your views. Pick your battles wisely.