The petty is muy fuerte with this one!

Taco Platter
(Nikolay Trubnikov / Thinkstock)
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Wow, last week's inaugural edition of Petty Reviews of the Tri-State was a big hit so I'm back with another one. Also, don't wanna brag or anything, but last weeks edition got me banned from Tri-State Restaurant Reviews so I'm doing something right? Thanks to everyone who sent me screenshots of reviews they think are the most petty and thanks for reading the first column!

Anyway, for this week's edition, we travel south to Henderson for a review of the Los Toribio Mexican Restaraunt. As always, reviews are 100% real and 100% petty AF.

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Alright, there's a lot to process here. First off, I don't know why we needed to hear how Cancun was so busy and you had to go elsewhere. You don't need to document your journey like Lord of the Rings. I'm surprised you left out if you had to stop for gas with this enthralling method of storytelling. Next up, if you say the phrase "I usually try not to be negative," we all know negativity is coming. Just get to that negative goodness.

The opening is definitely my favorite: "The staff was friendly and did their jobs. But that was about it." Yeah, nothing gets me angry like when a staff is friendly AND does their jobs. When I walk into a restaurant, I expect them to spit at me and give my family a wedgie. The egregious act that caused this type of review was because they only got, GASP, only 2 bowls of chips for 7 people. Those monsters... To make matters worse, they had to ASK for more chips. You'll be in therapy for years for having to speak up and ask for something.

TOYS R US
TOYS R US
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Show us on the doll where they didn't give you chips.

The final nail in the coffin that lead to this "partially negative" review was that of price. They felt that $87 was too much for the 4 kids meals, 3 entrees, 6 sodas, and 2 beers. Actually, that sounds about right. Yeah, it sucks that you got charged for refills but you could have asked about it. Oh wait, your Highness shouldn't have to ask questions. There is also the very valid argument that PRICES ARE CLEARLY LISTED ON A MENU BEFORE YOU PURCHASE THEM! While it was a Mexican restaurant, I don't think the prices were in Spanish. This is the pettiest of all arguments you can make: "I don't like how much this costs knowing well in advance how much it was going to be."

Confused Guy
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You mean these numbers will add up to a bigger number?

Finally, the review ends by them playing the jilted lover card by saying "Next time we'll go to Cancun or somewhere else." Alright, cool, don't let the puerta hit you on the culo on the way out, amigo.

See a petty review? Say something! Send screenshots to Gavin@1061evansville.com!

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