The 6 Steps to Beat Being Sick (When You’re Poor)!

Yesterday, I got really sick. My sinuses were being a jerk, my throat was hurting (which led to many jokes because my co-workers are mentally 12 years old), and I all around felt like poop. I really didn't want to go to the doctor because I already knew it would pass and didn't want to spend that sweet, sweet money of which I have very little. Instead, I decided to beat sickness the old fashioned way as demonstrated by the steps below.

Step 1: Get all the sickness

This is the big one: you have to get sick. Any sickness will do but I'd recommend a typical cold or perhaps a sore throat. You don't want to try beating pneumonia with these steps. I can guarantee it probably won't work. However, you do need to feel like you are never going to feel better again and basically hate everything in life.

Step 2: Gather blankets for the long hard night

You need to get all the blankets you can together. At this point in your illness, you are both hot and cold. You are probably wearing shorts with a hoodie and socks with sandals. Your poor taste in fashion is forgiven as you are afflicted with the sickness. However, you need to gather all the blankets in your living space and get ready to hunker down for the evening. Building a blanket fort is not only allowed but encouraged.

Step 3: Turn on Netflix/DVR to relax

You were probably going to do this anyway. Last night, I curled up with some DVR'D episodes of the Flash I needed to watch. This will help take your mind off of how miserable you feel and give you something to focus on. You can watch anything you'd like.

Step 4: Fall asleep watching whatever you were watching and then have crazy fever dreams about whatever you were watching.

This one can be kind of terrifying but it's part of the process. About 2 episodes into The Flash, I fell asleep. This was horrifying because I dreamed that the villain from the show, Zoom, was coming after me. This freaked me out because my throat was sore and there is no way I can take down this super-villain because I don't feel good! WHY IS THE FLASH NOT HELPING ME?

Step 5: Wake up several times in the middle of the night and not know where you are.

This one was fun. After waking up in a pool of my own sweat (caused by a combination of blanket fort and fear of death from a tv show villain), I was also disoriented. For some reason, I thought I was in Mexico. And for some reason, Mexico only existed in my room and my Christmas tree was the national symbol for Mexico. It was definitely a weird way to wake up but after a few minutes, I accepted my new home south of the border and went back to sleep.

Step 6: Get all the sleep and wake up feeling better.

This was my favorite step. After a good 12 hours of sleep, I woke up feeling much better, although I'm not sure if Zoom is still after me or not.

There you have it, if you are on a budget, just sweat out your sickness and be done with it! However, if you actually get worse, go to a doctor. They do exist for a reason!