I've never been more disappointed in my life.


In the mid-2000's, I was convinced that a solar eclipse had the ability to give everyone superpowers. This is because of a little NBC show called Heroes. The show follows regular individuals as they come to terms with their new found superpowers. The powers were caused by a mysterious solar eclipse. And their powers were pretty awesome.

Claire, the cheerleader, becomes indestructible; Nathan gains the ability to fly; Hiro gets the power to manipulate time. Any of these powers I would have been fine getting. However, it's been like an hour since the Solar Eclipse of 2017 wrapped up and I haven't shown any signs of having new abilities. So far, it seems all I have now is "Not getting superpowers" anxiety.

I just don't know what I did wrong. Was I not close enough to the path of Totality? Did I not get stuck in traffic long enough? Did I not pay enough money for my solar eclipse viewing glasses? Should I have been clutching my first season DVD box set of Heroes while the moon passed in front of the sun? I've been waiting so much of my life for this that this is a huge disappointment.

At this point, I'd be fine settling to be the Dominican brother and sister from season 2 that only had the power to bleed from the eyes and look metal AF. But to get no superpowers is a complete disappointment. Almost as disappointing as the later seasons of Heroes.

In defense of the eclipse, I haven't tried everything to see if my powers manifest themselves. I've only tried flying by jumping slightly off the ground and I gave myself a papercut to see if I would heal instantly (I didn't and it hurt). However, I haven't tried stealing brains like Sylar to get powers that way, so I guess I have some homework. If that doesn't work, I guess I'm just out of luck.

In conclusion, I'm highly disappointed in the amount of superpowers that weren't given out during this phenomenon. With the way it had been hyped, I thought we'd all be fighting Galactus or Darkseid. Unfortunately, it seems we will all just go back to our ordinary lives.

Actually, now that I think about it, the eclipse did give out one superpower. If you looked directly at it, congrats! You're this guy now:

Daredevil Netflix Charlie Cox
Marvel, Netflix

More From WDKS-FM