Secret Headquarters Comic Shop and Arcade – Petty Reviews of the Tri-State
We take a break from restaurants and check out a petty review of an amazing place.
I decided that this week I should take a break from the same ol' restaurant group (Super Serious Tri-State Restaurant Reviews Please Think We're YELP) complaining about stuff and instead focus on a review of a business that I absolutely love.
Secret Headquarters opened a little over 10 months ago and is Evansville's only true arcade. They also sell comics, toys, and video games. The store is awesome. However, one person didn't feel that way and left a ridiculous review on their Facebook page. As always, reviews are 100% true and 100% petty AF!
Did you make it through that wall of text? Someone was trying hard to get their Master's Degree in English and Pretentiousness with this hot-take of a review. How dare anything in a business be even slightly disorganized! They should have known this person was coming to visit. The idea that Secret Headquarters is an arcade first isn't true. They also have new comics every Wednesday and a huge selection of Funko Pops (which the reviewer recognizes and I'll address in a moment). This person is complaining because they didn't cater to their very specific needs and not everything was as minty fresh as they would have liked. Because of this, they were APPALLED! Yes, "appalled," the same word often used to describe child-neglect and war.
"This is almost as bad as a comic not being in mint-condition!"
The best part of the review is when the reviewer criticizes the "raucous boys" for enjoying themselves at a place where kids are allowed to enjoy themselves. Yes, kids can often be the worst, but this raucous activity was taking place at an arcade and not in the middle of your wedding. It seems raucous-place appropriate. However, those raucous kids ALMOST knocked over a rack of vintage (*sips coffee*) action figures. The amount of hatred directed at these kids makes me think Lemony Snicket wrote the review. Also, shout out for working the phrase "helicopter parent" into a review of a business. You definitely get an "A" in "Dumb Terms of the 2010's."
I almost forgot to mention the most DISTURBING thing the reviewer encountered: The prices of FUNKO Pops. Pops, much like action figures, video games, or any other collectable, vary in price due to rarity, availability, exclusivity, etc. With that said, HOW DARE SECRET HEADQUARTERS PRICE THINGS AS THEY SHOULD BE/FAIR MARKET PRICE! SHAME!!! They should give them away for next to nothing and lose tons of money. Hopefully, that will be enough to keep future customers from being disturbed.
The bands original name was "FUNKO Pop Prices"
The reviewer wraps things up by saying everything was overpriced and once again establishes how familiar they are with this world (We get it, you're a geek), and says that they might return with lowered expectations. Coincidentally, similar reviews have probably been left by anyone who's ever dated you.