The Funniest Baby Names Illinois Parents Would Never Dare Use

It all started with a tweet that asked: Which word would make a pretty baby name if it didn’t mean what it meant? The suggested answer? Omelette. And honestly, Omelette sounds downright adorable, until you realize you’d basically be naming your kid after a Denny’s menu item.

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Naturally, my brain, and our Facebook comments, took that question way too far. Because if Illinois parents are willing to name their kids Nevaeh and Bentley, why not… these?

When Baby Names Get Weird

Some words sound elegant until you scratch the surface. Chardonnay? Sure, it’s classy until your toddler is screaming for juice at Target.

READ MORE: We All Know Someone With Most Common Name In Illinois

Words That Sound Fancy, Until You Google Them

Then there’s Phthiraptera, a word so impossible to say you’ll need Google Translate just to survive kindergarten roll call. It means lice. Yes, lice. Cute!

Names You’ll Never See on a Personalized Keychain

Lobotomy (edgy), Eucalyptus (refreshing), Euthanasia (yikes), Croissant (flaky, but chic), and Oubliette (French dungeon, très fancy). You won’t find these on a gas station keychain rack.

The One I Couldn’t Say on the Radio

And finally, the word that wins everything: Chlamydia. It looks lyrical, it sounds almost pretty—but it’s also an STD. Which is why I didn’t dare say it on-air. Nobody needs a kid shouting, “Hey Mom, what’s Chlamydia?” from the back seat.

So while Omelette may still be in the running, these names? Yeah, Illinois parents, probably don’t.