Gavin Ranks the ‘Halloween’ Movies from Worst to First!
It's that time of the year again for him to come home...
With a new Halloween movie due out in 2018, it's time to revisit the highs and very, very lows of the Halloween franchise, just in time for the best holiday of the year! From Worst to First, here are my personal rankings of the Halloween films!
10. Rob Zombie's Halloween 2 (2009)
First and foremost: F*** this movie. This is one of two movies I've ever considered walking out of due to the incredible amount of terrible being displayed on the screen. The sequel to Rob Zombie's first Halloween, which is in no means a masterpiece (I'll get to it in a minute), is everything wrong with that movie turned up to DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES. This movie also tries to incorporate Rocky Horror Picture Show into it. That movie deserves better than to be associated with this garbage.
9. Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
This movie is a guilty pleasure of mine. Yes, it's awful, but it's the kind of non-offensive awful that you can tell the production team was trying to do some new things that just didn't work out. A Michael Myers-themed reality show was the no-brainer direction to go after the success of the reality TV boom. This is a terrible movie, but it does have the best line of the entire franchise:
8. Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
"But Gavin, haven't you seen the Producer's Cut which is a much more coherent film and dives deeper in the Thorn stuff?" Yes, yes I have. And yes, that is a much better film. But most non-horror fans are going to see the theatrical cut which is kind of a mess. The best part about this movie is definitely a young Paul Rudd acting the same as current Paul Rudd. While not the worst in the franchise, this is one of the more forgettable entries.
7. Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007)
Having this so "high" on my list might be sacrilege to most, but there are parts I enjoy about it. I really liked this movie when I saw it in theaters in 2007. The theatrical version is definitely better than the "SUPER EDGY AND SEXUAL ASSAULT FRIENDLY UNRATED CUT," but that isn't saying much. This remake takes all the mystery and creepiness away from Michael Myers, instead trading mystique for "WHITE TRASH UPBRINGING AND CLICHE SERIAL KILLER TROPES." Still, the ending chase is something to behold and was genuinely creepy at the time.
6. Halloween 3: Season of the Witch (1982)
This isn't a bad movie, it just has the misfortune of being under the Halloween banner. The producers wanted to move away from Michael Myers and focus on different Halloween tales. Unfortunately, people had seen the first two because they loved Michael Myers. Take that away, and you have a pretty by-the-numbers movie, brought to you by Silver Shamrock
5: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
The middle of the series also makes the middle of the list. This movie is good, but it's more of the same movie started in the 4th entry. I honestly can't recall much about this movie aside from a scene where Michael Myers vandalizes a dudes car and kills someone with a scythe. The mask also looks weird in this entry but that's more of a personal preference.
4. Halloween 2 (1981)
The first sequel of the franchise, Halloween 2 does more of the same as the original, only this time the film is set mostly in the hospital that Laurie is staying at. This movie features the "death" of Michael Myers and Dr. Loomis before Season of the Witch doesn't light the world on fire and have to come back in...
3: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
The first entry without Jamie Lee Curtis introduces the character of Laurie's daughter, Jamie. Michael Myer's has given up trying to find Laurie so he begins going after the next best family member: his niece. This movie does a good job of capturing the feel of the original film while expanding on the mythos of Michael Myers. Also, the ending will leave you saying "Whaaaaaaaaat?!"
2: Halloween: H20 (1998)
I love this movie. I know a lot of people don't, but after the entries that were 5 and 6, Halloween: H20 was a return to form for the franchise, that was enhanced by Jamie Lee Curtis' presence in the film. Yes, the timeline is wonky and it pretty much disregards the previous 3 entries, but the movie as a whole is very well put together. My favorite thing is that it's a who's-who of 90's actors that you love from something else. Josh Hartnett and Michelle Williams forever <3
1: Halloween (1978)
I mean, this is the one that started it all and basically invented the slasher genre. It's a film that is still creepy today and holds up. If you make it through a Halloween season without watching this, did you even really Halloween?