Crap, I’m 30 (A Birthday Retrospective)

Yes, today I turn the dreaded 30. Let's take a look back at the story so far!

For the past couple months, Feb. 8th, 2017 seemed like it was looming closer and closer. It was because that's how time typically works. Now, I've never been a huge fan of my birthday to begin with, but something seemed daunting about turning the "dirty 30." It's a weird feeling to dread something so inevitable while still realizing there isn't anything to be really all that scared about. I woke up this morning and realized that I was now in my 30's and my 20's were over, despite feeling the exact same as I did the previous day. As I enter into the decade of my 30's, let's look back at some of the stuff I learned in my now forgotten youth (or my 20's, with a smidge of childhood stuff mixed in).

Yeah, ladies, that's 20 year old me. It's OK to feel things...

Getting to the age of 30 was never a guaranteed thing for me. When I was younger, I had really severe asthma that seemed really eager to claim my frail body early on. I was in the ICU unit for about 10 days when I was 8 and was pretty close to cashing in my chips. Luckily, these colors don't run (Am I using that right?) and I managed to make it through this episode of asthma being a dick and the ones that would occur in the future. I distinctly remember being 9 or 10 and just imagining what it must be like to be an adult. My parents were both in their late 30's/early 40's around this time, so they looked the most adult to me. It's funny because now that I am 30, I don't particularly feel adult. Yeah, I do adult things (pay bills, keep myself alive, etc), but a briefcase didn't suddenly appear in my hand nor did I unexpectedly finally grasp the concept of the stock market. No, I'm still me, just older.

"BUY! SELL! TRADE! BUSINESS THINGS!"

My 20's were a tumultuous time, especially in the past 3 or 4 years. I went through a pretty big breakup that was tough. I did learn a substantial amount about relationships and myself by going through that. I learned that sometimes the best thing to do is walk away, even if it is the hardest thing you've ever had to do. That sentence was sponsored by every self-help book in existence. Whenever I think about my relationships in my 20's, I think back to a distinct day when I was in 8th grade. The teacher asked everyone to write down what age they thought they'd be married and what age they'd like to have their first kid. Because it was a Catholic school, the questions were to be answered in that order as to avoid The Fires of Hell™. I said I wanted to be married and have my first kid by 24. Since I don't have a 6 year old (that I know of), we can figure out that didn't happen. Yeah, I wanted to get married and have a kid all in the same year. Can we all look back and laugh at that idea? I just learned how to use an oven 2 years ago. I shouldn't be responsible for another human life. I'm still not married, but I am actively working on my relationships, both romantic and personal. Also, it's frowned upon to still be a f***boi in your 30's.

I assume this was me at peak f***boi

Alright, let's talk about some fun stuff that I learned in my 20's, now that I've gotten my trademark "Gavin pours his heart out into a blog post in order to grapple his inner-demons and achieve the validation he desperately craves." My 20's were when I finally, FINALLY, learned to accept who I was, yet still make the changes that I needed to make. One of my big moves was getting braces. My teeth had been a large adversary to my self-esteem, so from 25-28, I was an adult with braces. I'm very thankful that I was able to make this change because smiling is pretty much the best. I'm a fan.

I also made the very big decision to go back to college and get my degree. I decided to go into radio on a whim because the girl I was dating was doing the same thing. I'm still in radio. She isn't. So...I win? Regardless, I love being able to come to work everyday and not hate every single minute. When I was 21, I discovered my true love: Stand-up comedy. I love standing on stage and making people laugh (or at least making them not indifferent) and I love the process of writing. I enjoy meeting other people who share this passion and still perform on a fairly regular basis.

Ugggh, shorts on stage? Really?

The biggest lesson that I learned in my 20's, and a lesson that many people don't learn, is that your friends and family accept you for who you are. It's cliche, I know, but that doesn't make it any less true. I am thankful for the friends that I have made up to this point. (Also, quick aside: I discovered that Dungeons & Dragons is like the best thing ever to play with friends, I highly recommend slaying some dragons with buds). I'm thankful that I'm able to find an audience online and on-air who likes what I have to talk about. I never made any "30 Under 30" lists or online popularity polls (despite my hardcore campaigning), but I was never going to make those lists. I'm opinionated and have something to say, and that isn't for everyone. I'm not for everyone. But if I'm for you, you have my deepest gratitude. I'm glad I've been able to share my struggles with mental health with you and not be judged. Thank you for allowing me to be the most honest version of myself.

Not everyone I love is in this picture, but everyone in this picture I love.

In conclusion, being 30 is scary. I feel like I should have accomplished more by now. That's just where my mind goes sometimes. But looking back, I might not have a Netflix comedy special and my on-air product might not be syndicated in New York or Los Angeles, but I can say, with 100% honesty, that I am proud of the content I am putting out. And I am very proud of the person I have been shaped into by some amazing people in my life. So, maybe, afterall, I've accomplished the most important thing.

...that was a super cheesy ending wasn't it? Oh well, here's to another 30 years!

Also, sorry if this picture got you pregnant, men and women.