8 Once Holy Things That Millennials Are Massacring
Everyone knows that Millenials are killing everything. This is just a common fact. We don't need to look at studies or any factual evidence to come to this conclusion. It just is what is! Here are 8 things that millennials are killing in their search for improvement:
1) Social Media
Social media is just totally ruined because of millennials. I mean, before we took our activism, branding initiatives, and political statements to social media it was awesome! You can't beat agonizing over organizing your favorite people in a Top 8 and learning basic HTML just to have a decent looking profile. Back then, it was all about the razzle-dazzle. Now it's just useless. Anyone who actually uses social media to help, inform or market is a complete idiot.
2) Streaming Services
Yep, millennials are killing streaming services too. We hate them. Did you actually know that millennials buy old-fashioned rabbit ears more than any generation? Actually, we'd rather make our own out of wire hangers and aluminum foil so we can steal TV for free. We also love pay-per-view and have no idea how to find television or movies on the internet because we are obviously stupid and ruining everything. We'd rather pay $190 a month for cable and get every channel even if we don't watch over 800 of them because this is AMERICA! *fist pumps*
3) Clean Energy
Oh, millennials definitely hate clean energy. Buring coal and using oil is the only way to go. I want my air smelling of the burnt substances that fuel our economy and love! If my air is clear then it is too clean, period.
4) The Internet
The internet is the worst thing to ever happen to our generation. Can you imagine a world where there are so many choices that it's overwhelming? A world where there are too many options and too many things to click? It's terrible. I want to go to a store, have no more than two options, and pay in cash. Additionally, something that can make communication almost instantaneous between two people is blatantly evil. I don't even like walkie-talkies if we're being honest, but that's the way she goes sometimes.
Millennials are definitely killing dating. Remember the good old days when you'd go on a date, the man paid, and you got married the next week because it was the economic and moral thing to do? Those were the days.
Killing selfies is one of the worst things millennials have done. Holding an old-fashioned camera in front of your face while you prayed for a good photo but never got one is the way nature intended it to be. Back then, it was a selfie surprise! Now millennials have just killed all the fun straight out of it.
Everyone knows that millennials don't work! They don't hold down multiple jobs just to get by because no one will hire them full-time without experience. They sit at home on disability, Medicaid, and welfare! They don't skip more vacation days than baby boomers, that's for sure. They also aren't out there doing the hard jobs like coal mining and farming. They're too busy out there being 'techies' and making everything computerized to cut down on accidental deaths and cancer and stuff. What a waste of young, able-bodied laborers!
This new-fangled 'inclusivity' thing that millennials are pushing is killing diversity. By making sure that everyone has a voice and including those that otherwise would not be included in conversations is ridiculous! Giving people their own spaces to be who they are is just outlandish. Back in the day, you just suppressed anything that wasn't considered socially acceptable and moved on. We don't live in a participation trophy society, kids!