The Best Easter Candy You’ll Never Find – Runt’s Freckled Eggs

Year after year, Easter season after Easter season I search the candy aisles of every Wal-Mart, Target, CVS, Walgreen's, and grocery store I go to hoping the best Easter candy ever created will once again appear. And year after year, Easter season after Easter season, my hopes are squashed in the same way my hopes of the Powerball ping-pong ball machine will spit out the same six numbers a computer randomly generated at the convenience store down the street on a Saturday night. Now I know why.

It is quickly becoming apparent to me that I am the king of liking products that are impossible to find. Perhaps I have a sophisticated pallet, far superior than those of other mere mortals, or perhaps I only like things that suck. Considering my track record thus far, I'm 99.9% sure it's the latter.

When it comes to candy, I have two favorites; chocolate, and pretty much anything sour (although never a combination of the two, because that would be gross). Let's put it this way, if his fists were covered in sugar and citric acid, I would let Mike Tyson punch me in the mouth because there would be a slim chance I might taste that sweet concoction (yes, I'm still talking about his fists). Runts Freckled Eggs™ nailed it on the sour scale. Not so sour and tangy that it made my lips pucker, but just enough tang mixed with the sweet (artificial) fruit flavor of cherry, orange, blue raspberry, and lime.

After another exhaustive search this year for my beloved Runts Freckled Eggs™ came up empty, I decided to find out why. After some serious "Googling" that took every bit of two minutes (which in this day and age seems like an eternity), I found my answer on the official Willy Wonka Twitter page. Turns out I was the only one looking for them.

Low sales volume? What is wrong with people? They won't eat these tangy morsels of heaven, but they'll devour licorice which has the same flavor as licking a football. If they didn't also make Nerds, SweetTarts, Sprees, ShockTarts, Fun Dip, and Gobstoppers, I'd boycott them. Although I know full well it would only be a matter of time before they lured me back in with their sweet and tangy siren song. You're a crafty soul Mr. Wonka, and you've stolen my heart.