Reddit users are urging a woman to consider leaving her husband after she found out he secretly wishes she were dead, which she discovered in his private journal.

"My husband has kept a semi-regular journal throughout our four-year relationship. He does not keep it hidden and up until now I have always respected his privacy. We had a heated conversation and my gut told me to read it so after he left for work, I did," she wrote.

"He wrote several times that he hates me and at one point he said when I was sick he hoped I would die. When I read those words I packed up me and our baby and went to a friend’s [place] where I’m staying now. I took pictures of all the pages. I told him I just need some space to cool off after our conversation and I will be home soon," she continued.

"We had a rough patch recently that lasted about two weeks. It was a dark time, but we pulled through. There was no violence, no moments where I was afraid of him, just sincere conversations about difficult feelings. The notes of hatred correspond with that rough patch. The rest of the journal is tame and reflects the man I know and love: mostly little self pep-talks around work and family stuff, goals, habit tracking," the woman wrote.

Since leaving, her husband has been sending her "warm messages."

"He says he’s glad I’m taking space for myself, that he looks forward to reconnecting when I come home, it’s OK to have little hiccups, that he loves me... I was sure our relationship was over the moment I read that he hates me (or even the moment I felt the need to violate his privacy) but the warm messages and the rest of the journal have me wavering a little," she shared.

The woman added that while she understands the "need to blow off steam when things are tense," even in her "darkest moments" she would never have "fantasized about his death."

"I don’t know how I could ever feel safe around him again," she concluded, adding that in the meantime she has booked an appointment with her therapist and "contacted a lawyer."

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Reddit users in the comments urged her to consider getting out of her marriage for her own safety.

"I spent three years with a man that secretly hated me, too. I discovered Discord messages he sent to a stranger talking about how he couldn’t wait to kick me out, jokes about hitting me, really disgusting stuff. Once you read that, you can never come back from it," one person wrote.

"With the context of your comment of how he wished you would die so he could replace you with the woman he has a crush on... please leave and don’t go back. That is an unsafe line of thinking toward you and I fear for your safety. Look at Chris Watts, look at Scott Peterson. Wishing your wife would die so you could be with your lover is NOT healthy or normal," another commented.

"I do think it is worse because of the context. It’s not just a random outburst, saying that he wishes you would die specifically so he could be with someone else really sounds more like the start of a plan. I would protect yourself by continuing with separation and avoiding being alone with him. So sorry you are going through this," someone else shared.

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Gallery Credit: Michele Bird

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