Find Yourself, Find Love! My Top Five Things You Need to Do to Be a Better Friend and Lover

Everyone wants to love and be loved, regardless of what the tough-minded might say. For most of us, it doesn’t just fall into our laps, nor is it scripted into a happy story where everything works out in the end. While growing up, it was hard for me to realize that my life wasn’t a movie, all planned for me to roll around in the flowers. I remember being a young adult between 18 and 20, thinking I would never find that special someone with which to live happily ever after. If you’re feeling that way at any age, I understand what you’re going through.  But let me tell you, it will get better and maybe I can help you guys with that. I will at least give you my top five things I’ve learned to make me a better friend, partner, and all around guy.

5. Put Out an Effort – What draws people’s attention is someone who isn’t afraid to show up. I’m not just talking about relationships, but in anything you do. Loving something or someone shouldn’t be work, but it does take an effort. If you enjoy your job, people will take notice.  Your boss will notice, and you might become more valuable.   Possibly a person from the outside would take notice and offer you another opportunity. This is the same for friends and lovers; if you treat them with love and respect, others will take notice. When you make someone laugh, someone else will want you to make them laugh. If you console a friend, another might open up with a need to be consoled. As infectious as a smile is, its human nature that if people see you happy, they want what you have. Put in the effort, and others will want to share in you, as a person.

4. Listen – This is one of which I might do too much, but when you are in the company of other people that you care about, put them first for the moment. Listen not only to their words, but the tone in their voice, and even their body language. The best way to learn someone and/or find out what they need is to just shut up and listen. They may need advice, they may need a hug or they just may need to get something out. Listening is also a trick I use to find out about them for gift giving purposes. You know, finding out what they want, what they don’t like, and sometimes, even their basic needs. The best gift of all can be just the listening ear they can trust. You know what you have to say, so for the time, just sit back and listen to someone else.

3. Be able to laugh at yourself – You are a man, a warrior, the killer, and cooker of meats! Now puff up your chest... and let out that fart, pfffffatt. Not really, but hopefully you can accompany all that manliness with some self-inflicted humor. You are not perfect, and how boring it would be if you were. I have learned that the more I open myself up and put myself out there, the right people come in. Yes, it can open you up to hurt, but the people that should be and want to be there will embrace you. That will make any of the petty attacks worth it. Now, don’t go out and make everything a total joke. Learn your balance and know when it’s time to be Bruce Willis,and when it’s time to be Will Ferrell. Just have fun with yourself and others will want to join in.

2. Know who you are – Are you cool and quiet?  Are you outgoing; do you think of yourself as awkward? I would tell you that I felt I was an outcast in high school, not fitting into any preselected groups. I was a geek before being a geek was cool. Whatever you are, embrace it. No matter who you are, or what you think of yourself, if you’re honest and accept it, you will find like-minded people.  These can be the people that challenge you and help the cream rise to the top, whatever the flavor may be. The world needs variety. So be your own color crayon, be bright, and color your world the way you want. It is the easiest way to happiness.

1. Love You– Above all else love yourself. If you love yourself, the other four things on this list will come so easy. If you don’t love yourself, how are you ever going to love someone else the way that both you and they deserve? I am in no way telling you to carry around the full length mirror and just admiring yourself. Put in the effort to find who you really are and what your likes are. Listen to yourself for your wants and needs are in life. Don’t forget to make time to laugh, even at yourself. There is a confidence that goes along with being secure enough to laugh inward. This will all help you know who you are, so when you find that love, you can give it your all. Even at my age, I don’t always remember all of these.  But I manage to go back and relearn them when I need to. I hope that at least something in this list can help you. If not, here is Taylor Swift with a simpler message..