You’re an Evansville Uber Driver, Not Jason Statham!

Today was a big day in Evansville: We finally get to know the joy of summoning a stranger from our phone and then having them drive us wherever we need to go.

Uber is a great way to get around and a great way to make a little extra cash, but you also have to be a bit more realistic and accept what you are actually doing. You are a taxi driver, just using your own car. And there is nothing wrong with that. If I had more time, I'd definitely try my hand at it. However, I've already seen a couple people taking Uber driving way too serious.

For instance, I saw a photo of someone today posing next to their Dodge Magnum while wearing a suit. You're gonna wear a suit to transport the citizens of Evansville around? In a Dodge Magnum? You aren't Jason Statham in The Transporter (or any other Statham movie where his character is "guy who drives"). When you wear a suit, you're saying "I am definitely going to be making sick jumps through construction sites in order to get you where you need to go."

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"We gotta get to Lamasco karaoke night!"

If you wear a suit and then don't make with the sick jumps, that is definitely going to hurt your star rating. If you wanna look the part, we better get into a shootout The Rock or be transporting a hostage or else I'm giving you one star. We also better start out thinking we are different, but after the trip, realize we are actually the same (and maybe fall in love).

However, in reality, you'll probably just be driving drunk people home from bars or to other bars or to booty calls. You can wear a button-up shirt or a hoodie and accomplish that same thing. Yeah, wearing a suit makes you look professional but it also makes me think you are an assassin or martial arts expert.

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"That was my fare, brah!"

Uber for Evansville is a really cool thing but we just need to chill out a bit. Not every driver gets to save the day like at the end of Die Hard. You probably won't get to say cool things like "I know a shortcut" because this is Evansville and we all know the shortcuts because this city is perpetually stuck in construction Hell. Just go out, make some money, and have fun. But cool it with your Fast and Furious audition.