Wedding Day Etiquette – Will You Be In My Wedding?
by Carey Meredith
Today's wedding traditions have changed a bit from the past several years. Wedding etiquette is just a guideline based on tradition. Most importantly its making those around you feel comfortable and accepted. But when it comes to asking people to be in your wedding, the decision can be hard, as well as the pressure it puts on you and your fiance. I always think of the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding where all the cousins and sisters had to be in the wedding party, because Momma said so... Can you say overkill? I have been asked this somewhat sensitive question many times, and of course there is a proper etiquette to ask or not to ask... AH and that is the question!
When choosing, of course your family, sister, brother, or closest friend is a given, but also think of who will be responsible. There is a responsibility to being a Best Man, Groomsmen, Bridesmaid and Maid of Honor; you obviously want a person who can be by your side when you need them to share this beautiful event in your life with you.
There is also a part of the event that is their job. They are to plan, pay for and be in charge of the party events like showers, parties and even the infamous Bachelor/ Bachorlette party. They also must be able to afford their attire, rentals, and if they are out-of-town guests, afford their lodging and travel expenses. (Some brides and grooms or their families will pay for lodging expenses in some instances.)
Money is always a sensitive issue. When someone you care about asks you to be in their wedding (a huge milestone in their lives) the last thing someone wants to say is, "I cant afford it." So, why put a loved one on the spot? If you know that they have a financial hardship right now, then give them a significant part; handing out invitations, serving the cake or reading during the ceremony. They will be included in your memorable day and no one will be made to feel uncomfortable or financially strained... except the Father of the Bride, when he gets the bill!
Also if there are friends or even relatives who have an issue with one another, you don't want that kind of tension at your wedding. To be tactful can be hard, but it is better to be honest beforehand and avoid a possible conflict on the day of the wedding. A knock-down drag-out, is not the memories you and your soon-to-be spouse want.
Another very delicate issue is children. There is nothing cuter than a flower girl dropping rose petals ever so carefully down the aisle, or a shy little ring bearer, walking coyly down the aisle, to his Mom who is coaxing him along. But honestly some children, although a special part of family, can be quite difficult to handle. Some can be very rambunctious, rude or obnoxious and to have them in the wedding just because they are related, is not always the answer. Again, you must be sensitive and think of the feelings of others, but this is your day. You can tactfully choose to just not have any children in your wedding, if you so desire. Graciously state that you have chosen to have a more adult affair. Again, wedding etiquette is a guideline and this is your wedding!
Love, Blessings & Happy Wedding!
Carey M. Meredith
'Carey'd Away Weddings'