Top 5 Things Your Man Won’t Do on Sunday’s Now That the NFL Lockout is Over – Ryan’s List
It's official. After months of talking and negotiating, the NFL and it's players came to an agreement earlier this week on a new collective bargaining agreement (CBA) effectively ending the lockout that kept players from entering team facilities or even speaking with any member of the staff.
For many men across the country, this is fantastic news! Although I think in the back of our minds we all felt a resolution was coming eventually, we were getting nervous as of late considering that most teams open up their training camps around this time (The Colts open theirs on July 31st), and that preseason games start in the 2nd week of August.
I won't bore you with all the details of why the lockout took place. For one, I don't know all the details and two, at the end of the day it was basically a group of millionaires arguing with a group of billionaires over how to more evenly distribute 9 BILLION DOLLARS in annual revenue. That's right, "billion" with a "b".
I fully realize there are men out there, albeit few and far between, that don't care about football. Why is beyond me, but they don't and that's OK. This is America after all, they're free to enjoy or not enjoy whatever they want. I also realize that there are many women out there that are just as happy as I am to hear that there will be football to watch on Sunday's. Heck, I'm married to one of those women (it's just one of many reasons I love her so much!). I'm not writing this blog for either of those groups.
No, this blog is for all the women (or dudes, again...it's a free country) who will become Sunday Football Widows beginning in September. Now then, the argument could be made that the following "To Do List" items wouldn't get completed no matter what time of year it is. But for the next few minutes let's suspend reality and assume, for argument's sake, that the chances of them getting done would have been greater had the NFL lockout continued into the regular season schedule (the first full Sunday of games is September 11th). Come now, follow me into La-La Land...
By mid-October, the lawn more than likely won't need to be mowed for the remainder of the year (unless we keep getting hit with these torrential rains in the Evansville area, then we may be mowing grass until February). However, even after the mower is put away for the year, there's always outdoor work to be done. Leaves will eventually need to be raked, snow and ice will need to be removed from the sidewalk and/or driveway; there will always be something. And that something will now have to wait until early February before it gets done. Look at it this way, the leaves make a good compost so your man's not refusing to rake them because football is on, he's ensuring a lush, green lawn come spring. That man of yours...always thinking.
Let's be real here, this wouldn't have happened even if the lockout continued. Moving on...
The "Honey-Do List" is about to become the "Honey-It-Ain't-Happening-Until-Football-Season-Is-Over List". However there may be time to get any "in progress" projects into the "finished" column before September 11th with the right kind of "persuasion" (take that however you'd like). As for any future projects you may want to add to the list, forget it. Schedule those to start February 6th (the day after the Super Bowl).
Unless you're wearing a jersey, helmet, and shoulder pads, any words that come from your man's mouth on a Sunday afternoon will not be directed at you. Don't get me wrong, he will speak frequently throughout the day and several of the words he does say may not be suitable for young ears, but every single one of them will be at the players on TV (or computer if he has his fantasy football team page up...and he will). They will either be words of encouragement when his team is within scoring range, or they will be words of anger when someone drops what he perceives to be an easy catch or misses a tackle that results in the other team scoring.
I realize it may be hard to imagine that what you perceive as a "silly sport" would put that thing "two people do when they love each other" on the back burner, but we're talking football here! Football is different because it only happens once a week (or twice when you factor in Monday Night Football, then there's Thursday & Saturday games later in the season, but let's stick with once a week for the purpose of this blog). If your man has a baseball or basketball team he follows, he can see them play up to 3 times a week or more. But with football, regardless of what day his team plays, that's it until the following week. Besides, there's six other days in the week for that other thing.
However if seeing your man sit in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt yelling at the TV gets your juices flowing to the point where you just can't control your urges, you may be able to pull off the fabled "halftime performance". Be warned, the chances of making this work depends greatly on how his team has performed in the first half. If they're winning, you should be good to go. If they're losing, don't bother. His only concern is how quickly they can turn things around in the 2nd half, not how quickly he can turn around your 2nd half.