The programming schedule and rules continue to change and defy logic on NBC's America's Got Talent...  But I'm still watching!  Last night was a YouTube talent night, meaning that all of the contestants are NEW to the competition, and FOUR of them are getting tickets to the semi-finals!  While I think it's way too late in the competition to add so many new contestants, there were still some great one-liners from the King of All Media, so let's get started!

The first THREE quotes I deemed to be top-5 actually came from one act!  Howard had some funny comments earlier in the evening, especially with the Parrotkeeper and the nightmare illusionist Rudy Coby, but none of them compared to how mean he was to Eric Buss and his "Visual Chaos."  Eric did a performance routine with a bunch of Slinky Snakes, those spring-loaded coil snakes that you hide in cans to prank people with.  But he used THOUSANDS of them!  Howard was less-than-impressed:

“The only thing you managed to do is make a mess of my stage.  You said in your package piece you've spent 'thousands of hours' practicing this.  I'm hoping that was a joke because this is a colossal waste of time, you know that?"

"Do you live with your parents?  I hope your wife has a good job, I honestly do!"

"You're boring.  Your act is boring.  I'm saying only because I want you to get a good job.  You mentioned you want a million dollars.  Let's get you on the path...  Selling insurance or doing something worthwhile."


Howard's next quote came while critiquing a lousy air-guitarist, Romeo Dance Cheetah:


"Whose idea was it to have a YouTube night?  Honestly it looks like you're playing with yourself.  It doesn't look like you're playing the guitar."


The final quote that I noted from last night's show came after a creepy masked ninja-looking guy played a song using an instrument he created himself out of church bells:


"If Hell had a musician, you would be it!"

I don't know exactly what the theme of next weeks show is, but my understanding is it will involve acts that have already been KICKED OFF of the show already.  I'll report on the best of Howard after that show!