While last week in Las Vegas didn't provide a whole lot of quotes from any of the judges, the first live show from the seventh season of America's Got Talent left no shortage of good Howard Stern quotes!

The first quote came when he was offering some constructive criticism to Jarrett & Raja, the musician/magician act in which both of the male leads appeared to be in love with each other:

“You're going to blow the big one...  So to speak."

Howard UNLOADED on after Michael Nejad disappointed him with his talent of turning household objects like a baseball bat, shovel, or a vacuum cleaner into musical instruments:


"Sometimes a baseball bat is a baseball bat.  Sometimes with a shovel, you dig your own grave."

"I would have liked it more if you would have taken that vacuum cleaner over to my house and clean up."


When the other judges tried telling Howard that he was being a little too harsh:

“The three of you I'm going to throw out of here!"


After the very impressive final musical/paint show, Howard told David Garibaloi:


"If I was a woman, I would marry you!"


I'll be watching again tonight and bring you five more quotes tomorrow!