NBC

My understanding is this is another week with only one new episode, so soak in these new Stern quotes until the show moves to Vegas next week!

This show may have the most complicated programming schedule of all-time, but there was a new AGT last night (although not tonight I don't think) and of course I noted the five most quotable lines from my favorite judge, Howard Stern!
The first two quotes came from a woman, Thea, who had a performing pig.  One she could get the pig, Smooch, to wake up, the pig would play the piano with his snout, and also honk a horn with his mouth.  It wasn't very impressive.  Howard asked the woman what her name was.  She replied, "Thea.":

“No offense, I was talking to the pig."

When Smooch the pig failed to impress anybody in the building:

 

"Bacon for everybody!"

 

There was a less-than-compelling martial artist who claimed he could hit someone 20 times in one second.  He would demonstrate his talent on a man in grey who wouldn't defend himself:

“I don't know why karate guys think they have an act when they just hit people who don't defend themselves...  Guy in the grey, hit him already!"

 

There was a very annoying young woman who was a very big fan of Howard's.  She wore a bikini and was clearly not as attractive as she thought she was.  Her talent was that she could talk really fast and rap:

 

"It was just annoying for me.  It gave me a headache.  I'm not feeling well."

 

Before she left, she asked Howard if he would go out with her:

"We're going to have a beautiful date...  At the mental institution."

 

Since there's only one new episode this week, I'll have more quotes for you next week when the show finally moves on to Las Vegas!