NBC

Last night was easily Stern at his most quotable!

Seriously, I wrote down nearly 20 laugh-out-loud quotes from Howard Stern in last night's one-hour America's Got Talent from Tampa!
Kicking things off was a group off socially awkward worm puppeteers:

“Let's be honest, you can't get girls when you're a puppeteer, is that true?  Anybody married...  No?  Anybody been on a date in the last six months?"

Another act last night was a group of rapping pirates...  That's right rapping pirates!  Howard and the crowd were less than impressed:

"One of the challenges I have as a judge is coming up with ways to say the same thing over again and over again.  For example, this is really STUPID.  But I've used that already.  I've used the word MORONIC.  I've used IDIOTIC up already.  I haven't used PATHETIC...  This was pathetic!"

When criticizing Twiggy the jet-skiing squirrel:

“The squirrel went to the bathroom on Nick!  That's a no-no around here.  I went to the bathroom on Nick and they almost fired me!"

 

After a very daring BMX stuntshow:

"That was a huge disappointment...  No one died!"

 

And lastly, after watching the ironically-named Big Barry sing and hitting his X:

"I hit my X because it was either that or jump out a window."

 

There was only one episode of AGT this week, but I'll be back with some more quotes from the King of All Media on Tuesday!