As the live shows for America's
Got Talent
draw nearer, the King of All Media was at it again mixing it up with Sharon, Howie, and the oddities that tried out to be sent to the next round in Las Vegas. So, if you missed it, or just want to relive it, here are five quotes from Howard Stern from last night's AGT:

There was a strange act in which a man and a woman who were dating. The woman
sat on a chair blindfolded with an apple in her mouth. The man then took a
chainsaw (or something similar), and carved the letter H into the apple. The
act impressed virtually nobody, and when it was over, the woman needed medical
help because she suffered from lockjaw:

“The lockjaw was the funniest part of this."

Next there was a female vocalist and her male acoustic guitar player. The
performance was good enough, but the humor came from the fact that the man was
clearly in love with the woman, whom he met at college. They both insisted that
neither had feelings for the other, but the man was clearly in love:

"Who decided you're just friends? She did, right?"
And after they found out they were going to Vegas:

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...  Whatever you two do, that's YOUR business!"


They showed a montage of behind-the-scenes interactions with the judges. On Howard's
radio show, it's been a long-running joke that Howard's not very good at math,
and that he will do it aloud to help him solve the problems. This quote slipped
out when he was trying to figure out how many minutes were in three hours:

“It's 3 X 60... 120 minutes!"


Lastly, there was a man on stage in a very bizarre get up. This last quote works better
if you SEE the act, but the room exploded with laughter when Howard politely
asked him:

"Rough day at the office?"
That's it for this week! I'll be back next week with 10 more quotes!