A few weeks ago, when kids here in the Tri-State were heading back to school, I shared some of my very own school photos.  I admit, Part 1 was pretty bad, but it had that "ugly child" charm that made it a bit easier to digest because I was still a child.  That cannot be said for the following batch of pictures.  These pictures show me in my adolescence, and this is when things REALLY starting going downhill.

Please be warned, this post is full of photos of me.  I have kept the older pictures in this blog to cushion the blow and "ramp" into my junior high school/high school years.

 

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KINDERGARTEN: This is the youngest and also the most INTENSE of my school photos.  My piercing glare can actually draw blood.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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FIRST GRADE: Also known as my "Sophomore Attempt."  A small step forward from my first outing at looking human.

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SECOND GRADE: That glimmer of hope in my eye shows that I, at one time, thought I had the potential to blossom into a normal handsome man.  This was not in the cards for me.

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THIRD GRADE: Clearly taken mid-word, I call this masterpiece "Wait, I'm supposed to smi... <CLICK>"   ___________________________________________________________________________

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FOURTH GRADE: Don't ask me what is on my shirt or how many I'm wearing.

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FIFTH GRADE: As I try to exit my turtleneck phase, I'm clearly still terrified of cameras.  My "hair helmet" is fierce, though.   ___________________________________________________________________________

 

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SIXTH GRADE: One of my better attempts at resembling a human, you can tell this childhood gem is still framed and displayed along a staircase in my parents' home!

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SEVENTH GRADE: Seventh grade was easily the worst year of my life.  It's not hard to tell why.  As my peers around me began maturing and becoming men, I was stuck with this!

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EIGHTH GRADE:  My eighth grade class photo has completely disappeared.  Whether it has been misplaced, or intentionally burned, take my word for it that it is probably best for everybody that these photos have been destroyed.

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NINTH GRADE: Things are starting to spiral out of control with my physical appearance.  As you can see, my weight is increasing and I'm holding water, especially in my face and also my breasts which were larger than many of my female freshmen counterparts.  I also grew a second chin, added braces, acne, and cut my hair to look like a wiener.

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TENTH GRADE: OK, THIS IS IT.  This is the WORST photograph ever taken...  Not just of me, but EVER!  Remember when you had to hand-load film into your camera way back in like the 1990s and when you'd get the photos developed, some would come back completely damaged or, like, just looked like blurs of colors and lights?  Even those garbage photos that people would just throw away are much better than this professionally taken photo of the least-attractive human being on the planet.

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ELEVENTH GRADE: While I'm not proud of this photo by any stretch of the imagination, I do feel like this picture was a HUGE improvement from the year before.  I mean, I had nowhere to go but up, but someone should give this particular photographer a raise...  Or a Nobel Prize or something!

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TWELFTH GRADE: It all led up to this.  Here we are.  Twelve years of taking photos at school, surely I've got this down by now, right?  WRONG!  If you think that maybe the cap and gown would make me appear a bit more distinguished or intelligent, you'd be mistaken.  "Crap and frown" is more like it.  This is what girl repellent looks like.  I was still about four and a half years away from knowing the touch of a woman.

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