The Rob Reviews Blair Witch

This weekend I got a chance to go out to the theater and see the latest in the Blair Witch Project series of films, simply titled Blair Witch.  To be totally honest, I wasn't DYING to see this movie.  I didn't care for the original Blair Witch Project, and I'm a little over these "found footage" horror films that have been all the rage since...  Well, the first Blair Witch Project in 1999.

Although, when my girlfriend told me she picked up tickets for a late-night showing (well 10:00 is very late for us) on the first night of October I was genuinely excited.  I wasn't expecting a movie that would light the world on fire for me, but I figured I'd be entertained if nothing else for at least 90 minutes.  Unfortunately, I can't even give Blair Witch THAT much credit.  She and I both were miserable almost the entire time, and not in the good scary-movie kind of way.  It was just bad.

I'm not sure if I want to start with our main complaint, or build up to it.  Let's build up to it.  I'll start with the acting.  I can't recall seeing a major motion picture on the big screen with acting so stiff.  It was, at worst, laughable, and at best, distracting.  It made it SO difficult to invest emotionally in characters who were so obviously not emotionally invested themselves.

Then came the plot...  If you want to call it that.  To say the least, it was thin.  Character's inane actions required a huge suspension of disbelief, but it would be an understatement to say that no character in the movie acted how I would, or any intelligent human being would for that matter.

But the worst thing about this movie - BY FAR - is the cinematography.  I have seen nearly every mainstream "found footage" movie brought to the masses.  I love the Paranormal Activity movies, and watch my fair share of reality television.  I have NEVER been turned off by the handheld camera before...  Never!  But watching this movie made both of us feel sick to our stomach.  Not for a good scare or a gory scene, just nauseous from the camerawork.  When you combined the never-steady-camerawork with the starch contrasts of black and white, dim and light, happening in the movie, both my girlfriend and myself felt nauseous and suffered a headache from the film.  We were obviously not alone, either.  We noticed at least one other couple leave the theater and not return.  Additionally, while visually perusing the small theater (probably about two dozen or so people), I noticed other people turning away (during non-scary scenes) or more interested in their cell phones than focusing on the screen.  I'd have been upset or found them rude except I was in the movie as well, and I also wanted to be anywhere else.

The movie wasn't a zero.  In some aspects, I liked it better than the original (which I also did not like).  I intend to keep this free of spoilers, so I'll just say that during the climax of the movie, the movie has some legit scares!  There's a scene that's probably around 15 minutes in length that grips you in terror and doesn't let you go until they want you to.  But, the fatiguing nature of simply WATCHING the movie, combined with the ails I bemoaned earlier, lead me to only award this movie a D+.  If you think I'm being a bit too harsh, my girlfriend gave it a D-.