The Perfect Sarcastic Comebacks to Typical Pregnancy Questions

If you've ever been pregnant, you know the struggle of being asked the same questions OVER AND OVER again. Well, I'm here to provide you with some snappy comebacks to those typical pregnancy questions. 

Use these responses to freshen up the dry, repetitive questions you're asked multiple times a day.

When are you due?
- Whenever he decides to come out.
- Don't ask me, ask him (or her).
- They say it's about 40 weeks from conception.

Is it a boy or a girl?
- Judging by the size of his wiener, we think it's a boy.
- We don't want to tell anyone until after the circumcision.
- He hasn't chosen yet.

Are you excited?
- Yes, I can't wait for my vagina to be obliterated.
- No, I wish I could carry a bowling ball inside my shirt forever.
- Well, I heard they cry a lot...
- Yeah! But can you return them if you change your mind?

Do you have a name picked out?
- Nope, I didn't realize you had to name them too.
- We'll leave it "Untitled", like the DeAngelo song.

You're about to POP!
- I'd consider it more of an explosion.
- It's just gas.

Are you nervous?
- What's there to be nervous about?
-  Nah, I'm totally cool with my uterus being stretched out to the size of a watermelon.
- Wait, is it gonna hurt?

At least you won't be pregnant all summer!
- It's a lot easier to wear fewer clothes in the summer than the winter.
- Have you ever tried zipping up a winter coat with a baby bump?

Is this your first?
- With this boyfriend, yes, but I also have 32 more from "previous relationships."
- ...Uh, I think so?
- No, I had several sexual encounters, this is just the one that got me pregnant.

You don't even look pregnant from the back!
- Well, that's because he's growing from the front?

Are you going to breastfeed?
- We were actually thinking to start him on spaghetti and see how well he does.

You better get sleep now while you can!
- Well, I can't sleep very well right now either, considering there's an 8-pound bowling ball attached to my stomach.
- Does that mean I don't have to get up and go to work?