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Ryan O’Bryan’s List of 15 Reasonably Attainable New Year’s Resolutions for 2014

List of New Year's Resolutions
Somebody’s an overachiever. (iStock)

2013 is coming to an end, and like every year, millions of us will look back and reflect on what we would have done differently, then we’ll resolve to make those changes in 2014. Here’s the problem, these resolutions are often difficult to achieve. Wanting to lose weight is all well and good, but requires exercise, and last time I checked, weights are heavy. Plus, there’s all that sweat. Gross. That’s why I’ve created a list of goals I’m pretty sure I can hit before year’s end.

  1. I will wake up at some point after the sun rises.
  2. I will continue my 15 year decison making process on whether or not to get a tattoo.
  3. Despite how many people tell me it’s “hilarious”, I will continue to not watch “Duck Dynasty” because it’s the worst show on television.
  4. I will not believe everything I see on Facebook.
  5. I will come in like a Wrecking Ball.
  6. I will use my membership to the YMCA more than twice. (Note: This does not mean I will necessarily “work out” in the sense of lifting weights as “The Y” has lovely pool and basketball court facilities.)
  7. If given the choice between “going hard” or “going home”, I will choose the latter.
  8. I will buy a new pair of sneakers, tennis shoes, or whatever the kids call them these days.
  9. I will finally take the copy of Red Dead Redemption I bought nearly two years ago out of the wrapper and play it.
  10. I will finish the copy of Grand Theft Auto 4 I bought at the same time I bought Red Dead Redemption.
  11. I will see all superhero related films on the weekends they are released. However, I will catch matinee’s to save money on tickets.
  12. I will speak with a ridiculously thick Mexican accent when ordering food at a Mexican restaurant in an attempt to come off “cultured” and “relatable”.
  13. I will push my luck on yellow lights.
  14. I will end conversations with “catch you on the flip-flop” followed by a finger point, a wink of my eye, and that clicking noise you make you pop your tongue off the roof of your mouth.
  15. I will rationalize my four-scoop bowls of ice cream at 11pm with the fact that I’m an adult and I can do whatever I want.

It’s a long list, but one I’m pretty sure I can meet. Some of them I’ve already started on, I’ll leave it up to you to figure out which ones (Hint: #12).

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