Pangea Kitchen – Petty Reviews of the Tri-State

This week's Petty Review involves not enough tables (even though there were)!

Pangea Kitchen opened about a year ago over on Green River Road. I've been there twice and had a good experience both times. It has definitely become a popular dinner place and a cool place to eat on the weekend.

A week ago, a patron decided to take in some Pangea Kitchen but was alarmed at how busy it was. This, of course, led to a Petty Review. Because it is now my job to report on all of these, I am happy to share that review below. As always, all reviews are 100% real and 100% petty AF.

Oh man, it sure does suck for Pangea Kitchen that it's very popular and occupied with business. I cannot believe the nerve of a business to not ask everyone to leave in order to accommodate one person who doesn't agree with their very popular (and lucrative) business operation. Did they not know that "having to wait for a table like vultures" isn't "acceptable" to this person? If it's not acceptable to this person, it shouldn't be allowed. However, it is super rude to paint vultures in such a negative light.

"We just wanted some bomb gelato, yo"

This is another case of a patron being way too worried about what everyone else is doing. Counting how many people are ahead of you and calculating if they'll get a table before you? That's so beyond ridiculous. The review completely falls apart towards the middle after claims that there weren't any tables available because there weren't any 2 person tables. However, the reviewer goes on and talks about unoccupied spaces at the larger table. SPOILER: IT'S OPEN ****ING SEATING! Just sit at one of those tables. Ask politely if someone is sitting there, if they say no, sit down and enjoy your table. Oh, sitting next to somebody makes you uncomfortable? Just put a buffer between you like insecure guys at a urinal.

"If someone stands next to me, it's a reflection of my masculinity and sexual preference."

I don't get what the big deal is about sitting next to strangers. The people dining at Pangea Kitchen are probably gonna be pretty classy. They're asking you to sit next to, at the worst, hipsters with opinions. It's not Golden Corral, where someone might clean a deer at the table or burn a wound shut with gunpowder. Sit next to some new people. Make some new friends. Hell, most Romantic Comedies start this way. Sure, you said you were with your husband, but maybe one of those open seats was actually next to who you should really be with. You could be leaving your husband at the airport right now but you ruined fate!

"I'm so glad I sat next to Taylor Lautner at Pangea Kitchen! We're expecting 49 babies!"

The review ends with this person complaining about the size of ginger or some bull**** like that, but the chunk of the review is just this person being indignant that there wasn't a table for them. Even though there totally was. However, in this persons defense, people probably didn't want to sit next to them either, based on this review.