Lawyers Upset About Large-Chested Woman
Bigger isn’t necessarily better.
The lawyer for an Illinois car dealership that’s being sued recently filed a motion, claiming the plaintiff had a “large breasted woman” sitting at the opposing counsel’s table for no good reason.
Lawyers for Gauthier & Gooch, which represents Exotic Motors, wrote, “That Defendant’s counsel is anecdotally familiar with the tactics and theatrics of Plaintiff’s counsel, [redacted]. Such behavior includes having a large breasted woman sit next to him at counsel’s table during the course of the trial. There is no evidence whatsoever that this woman has any legal training whatsoever, and the sole purpose of her presence at Plaintiff’s Counsel’s table is to draw the attention of the jury away from the relevant proceedings…”
Dmitry Feofanov, the attorney for the plaintiff, claims the well-endowed woman at the center of the storm is actually a paralegal assistant. He’s also provided proof that she’s worked as a paid paralegal who provides more than just a pleasant C-cupped view to distract the jurors.
Exotic Motors is being sued for failure to honor terms of a warranty it issued when it sold the plaintiff a car, but who knew the company would wind up involved in the kind of story you’d see on ‘L.A. Law?’ Now, excuse us — we’re off to go tell our friends some cheesy version of this story as a reason to say, “The defense breasts.”
I have a feeling if I’m ever in court, I will be sitting next to a MAN with a distractingly-large chest: