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Jersey Shore Extracurricular Activities Report Card

Ethan Miller, Getty Images

As many of you may be aware, I am a very big fan of professional wrestling.  Today is the biggest day in the wrestling calendar, as in just a few hours WrestleMania is getting ready to take place in Atlanta.  The match that has clearly gotten the most mainstream attention is a match featuring Snooki from “Jersey Shore.”  I fully expect her participation in this match to stink up the joint, and I’ll explain why:  Wrestling or acting, however you choose to view the WWE is something that requires TALENT.  And as much as I love “Jersey Shore,” what those roommates do does not require “talent.”  And although Snooki’s ventures outside of reality television have been surprisingly scarce, she is guilty by association for being talentless.  Here is The Rob’s report card of the “Jersey Shore’s” extracurricular activites:

Mike “The Situation” tried his hand at stand-up insult comedy at the Donald Trump Roast, and it was a DISASTER!  Rating: F

J-Woww has actually tried a few times to be a part of the wrestling scene in the minor-league Total Nonstop Action Wrestling group.  She would embarassingly get talked-down to by Jersey Shore rip-offs Robbie E. and “Cookie,” cheaply modelled after Paulie D. and Snookie.  Then the girls would engage in staged fisticuffs and roll around until people broke it up.  It’s been unwatchably bad.  Rating: F

J-Woww has also written a book I refuse to read.  Rating: N/A

After watching former roommate J-Woww embarass herself in TNA, “Jersey Shore” cast-away Angelina decided to join Robbie E and Cookie in their silly war with J-Woww.  Angelina may have been worse than J-Woww.  Rating: F

Paulie D fancies himself a DJ.  It’s not hard to get bookings when you’re on cable television’s biggest show.  However he somehow feels qualified to produce his own music, making the single “Beat That Beat Up.”  Anybody who has heard it knows Paulie should stick to PLAYING music and not making it.  Rating: F

Sammi “Sweetheart” recently had a naked picture of her hit the internet.  I spent a lot of time studying her work, and can say after careful review that this has been the best performance outside of the show by any of the castmates.  Rating: B+

Snooki has authored a book of what I’m sure is a certain waste of perfectly good trees.  Rating: N/A

Even Vinnie isn’t safe!  Just this past Monday he was heavily featured on MTV’s “Hard Times of R.J. Berger,” portraying the role of R.J.’s “cousin Vinnie.”  The acting was abysmal, although completely on-par for that show.  I was hoping Vinnie would have some redeeming talent as an actor, but alas…  Rating: F

I expect Snooki’s performance tonight to be on-par with the rest of her fellow talentless peers.  Here’s to hoping reality stars stay in their place!

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