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This past February, I turned 29 years old. Being 29 means that I'm still technically in my 20's without the burden of being 30 and not have my crap together. It also means I have no idea how old anyone else is. And that's when things get awkward.

Before I begin, this isn't just when it comes to dating or anything like that, although this is the most problematic area. As a single dude pushing 30 (typing that has made me actually dead), it's hard to find anyone my own age to actually date because most people my age have already found their special someone and are enjoying the finer things in life like getting married, having kids and going to Lowe's for actual reasons and not to buy plumbing pipe to put together a lightsaber (That's a real thing I've done, ladies). Last summer, I was flirting with this girl at an event and things were going well, I asked how old she was and she said 18. Now, while that is legal, there were many things to think about: mostly, when I was graduating high school in 2005, she was 8. Did reading that sentence make you want to bleach your eyes and whip me with an extension cord? If so, you now know how I felt. On the show True Blood, the character of Eric, a super-old vampire (with abs) says the line "I can no longer tell human ages." I have never related to a super-old vampire (with abs) more than that.

<> on January 27, 2016 in Recife, Brazil.
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I assume this baby is 47 years old.

This isn't a girl specific problem either, I have no idea how old dudes are either. A couple summers ago I was volunteering at National Night Out at Wesselman's Park. I was taking video for the organizers of the event and they said their nephew was going to help. The nephew was almost my height (I'm 6'4), had a good 100 lbs on me (of what appeared to be the most chiseled muscle) and had a  5'o clock shadow that would even impress The Punisher. I get to talking to Muscles McBeard and find out he is nowhere near my age. He was 15! I don't know how genetics work but I immediately called my dad and yelled at him for coming from a weak bloodline and told him our family would never retake the Iron Throne!

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Pictured: Class of 2016 yearbook photo

I asked Kat about what I can do to avoid more awkward situations when it comes to dating and she advised me to look at a girls hands. To which I assumed meant that a girls age is written on their hand like they are trying to cheat on a math test. Apparently, if a girl has smooth hands with no defining lines, she's probably too young for me to be talking to. From here on out, it's time to only go out with girls whose hands looks like they've been watching the Shining on repeat for several years.

Overall, the hardest part of getting older is that everyone else is still young but don't look it. What 16 or 17 looked like when I was a teen doesn't look the same as it does now. My only goal is to not be the creepy 30 year old asking where all the cool parties are. I don't want to be that guy. Thankfully, I never get invited to the cool parties so I think I'm good. If I am at a cool party, I need all the ladies to throw their hands in the air. No, seriously, throw your hands up: I need to see what they look like.

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