Evansville Snowpocalypse 2018 Survival Guide!
We've got snow coming, here's how to survive.
With 2-4 inches of snow (and a quarter inch of ice) on the way, you need to get ready to survive what is being described as "Snowpocalypse 2018," this is biggest snow storm to hit Evansville since the "Barely a Dusting White Christmas 2017." Here are some tips on how to survive.
1. Get all the milk and bread
The first things you need to stock up on is milk and bread. These are the items that everyone stocks up on before a large snowfall because you shouldn't be on the roads once the ice and snow begin. You want to have a minimum of 25 lbs of bread and at least 45 gallons of milk to make sure you can last the 1-2 days of treacherous roads. If you don't have bread or milk, you'll be forced to steal from your neighbors and they definitely have traps set up Home Alone-style to defend what is theirs. Stocking up on bread and milk will save your life in many ways.
2. Get a snow shovel now
Once the first flakes of snow land on the ground, it is going to be mass hysteria to grab the last remaining snow shovels in Evansville. You should already have 10-15 shovels already stockpiled for such an event, but if not, there is still time to get one. You don't want to be the one person on the block without a snow shovel. Without a shoveled driveway/sidewalk, you risk losing your children in the snow and attracting wolves. I'm not saying your kids will get eaten by wolves if you don't have a snow shovel, but I am saying that a paved sidewalk provides a child a quicker escape route.
3. Prepare for your kids to have at least 45-50 snow days
Evansville is known for obesity and how much we love cancelling school for snow. Last year, the EVSC had 937 snow days, some of which occurred during summer vacation. I know there are only 365 days in a year, but somehow the EVSC managed to triple the amount of time and filled it with snow days. What this means for you, as a parent, is that you are going to be spending a lot of time with your kids. You'll quickly run out of family friendly things to watch on Netflix and have no choice but to start watching Shameless. You're going to have a lot of explaining to do after that one. You might also have to actually learn things about your kids, like their name. Joey will get awfully suspicious if you just keep referring to him as "that one" after being holed up for 9 days.
If you prepare mentally for all of the above, you will be able to survive this crazy storm, Godspeed everyone.