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CBS Asks Grammy Nominees to Kindly Keep Their Lady Nips + ‘Puffy’ Genitals Covered

Ll Cool J Taylor Swift Adam Levine
Larry Busacca, Getty Images

CBS is so worried that the musicians appearing on the Grammys this Sunday (Feb. 10) will anger the FCC that producers actually sent out a written warning to all attendees. In short: Hide your boobs, hide your ass cracks — the Grammys will not abide your genital-related shenanigans.

“Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered,” the letter reads. “Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy [sic] under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack.”

Hear that, guys? Only female breasts need to be covered. Bring your man nipples out to play!

“Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples,” the admonishment continued. Again, dude boobs are totally cool, but side and under-boob are definitely not.

In the strangest portion of the “no genital” clause, the letter says, “Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible ‘puffy’ bare skin exposure.”

We don’t even know what that means. This is why lawyers ruin everything.

But wait, there’s more: “Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera.”

Thanks, CBS. You have officially made yourself the prude of award shows. Good to know no one can accidentally slip a nip, but a horrible human being like Chris Brown can garner nominations and wins.

Nudity = bad. Celebrating people who beat women = totes okay. Got it.

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