Candy Corn is the Worst!

This Halloween, you might find some dangerous items in your Trick or Treat candy: drugs, razor blades, or a Trump sticker. But there is something worse to find: Candy Corn.

There are people who look forward to receiving candy corn during this Halloween season. Those people are wrong. Candy corn is the festering boil on the beautiful face of Halloween. There are so many amazing treats to be given out: Twix, Three Musketeers, Skittles, etc. Who would willing put wax-like triangles in their mouth and think "Mmmmmm, just what I needed?" Monsters, that's who.

And I'm not saying that you can't love someone in your life who likes candy corn. My entire family loves the garbage. I come from a long line of candy corn-ers. I respect their decision but it's definitely made life difficult. For instance, you know how you get to eat all the leftover Halloween candy trick or treater's don't take? That's awesome! Unless your family decided to give out candy corn for the sole purpose of being able to commit the deadly sin of gluttony after Halloween. Also, candy corn might be it's own deadly sin.

My main issue with candy corn is that absolutely nobody was craving a candified version of CORN! This is corn we're talking about. Comes from a cob, you may have seen their natural habitat while driving down the road or perhaps your walked through their rotting husks shaped into a maze. I've never eaten corn on the cob and said "Holy moly, I need this to be orange and trianagular and taste like sadness, misery, and what not being hugged feels like."

I've had people try to rationalize their love by saying they like candy corn mixed with nuts. Nope. Not doing that. I shouldn't have to bring in something wonderful in order to cut the taste of grossness. That'd be like saying car tires aren't that bad as long as you put them in mashed potatoes. It's stupid. The only benefit to eating candy corn with nuts is that a possible nut allergy might close your throat up and protect you from accidentally ingesting candy corn.

In conclusion, just let people who have tastebuds not be subjected to your awful, awful corn candy. It's terrible and I'm sorry someone hurt you so bad in your past that candy corn was the answer.