I don't know when "porn" became a descriptor, but we need to stop.

Sex Tape Trailer Red Band
Sony Pictures
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I think as I get older, I'm just embracing my inner-curmudgeon (or as my girlfriend says "You're Nick Miller from New Girl"). I just don't get a lot of stuff that people are doing. Some slang can be fun and I like saying words like "lit" and abbreviating things like "AF," however, I don't understand this obsession with describing something as "porn."

There are so many things that we do this with, too. There is #houseporn, #carporn, and of course, the most popular, #foodporn.

I just don't get it. Are you trying to be edgy about describing something you like? Do you like something so much that you get turned on by it? Is looking at that egg really doing it for you? When people say "porn," you know what you think of. And this isn't me taking a conservative "Think of the children!" stance, no, this is me taking a "We should stop doing this because it's dumb AF." (See I told you I use lingo sometimes).

What amuses me the most is that the above descriptors (car/house/foodporn) are probably already categories of actual porn. And before you say "Gavin, who would watch that?" trust me, someone will definitely watch it because the internet is gross 99% of the time. I assure you that #foodporn exists, and it ain't a picture of that lobster you just cooked. Same with #carporn and #houseporn (although I'm pretty sure most #houseporn just involves The Property Brothers appraising dat ass).

Cost Plus World Market Celebrates With Jonathan & Drew Scott, Hosts Of Property Brothers
Dave Kotinsky
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"It seems like someone needs their basement refinished..."

I don't know why we're equating how much we like something to the filming of two people gettin' down and dirty. It just sounds stupid. For instance, let's actually break down the definition of pornography. Yeah, unlike your relationship status, we definin' stuff.

Definition of pornography

1 :  the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement

2 :  material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement

3 :  the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction the pornography of violence

Now take any of those definitions and apply it to whatever you would describe as porn. Yeah, #foodthedepictionoferoticbehavior(asinpicturesorwriting)intendedtocausesexual excitement or #carmaterial(asbooksoraphotograph)thatdepictseroticbehaviorandis intendedtocausesexualexcitement doesn't quite have the same hashtag ring to it.

Let's cut it out. We all know what actual porn is. And if you really do enjoy any of the above porn I mentioned, good for you. You of all people should be ready and willing to take back your words from Instagram jerks who think #foodporn is a picture of a salad. And if you feel like messaging me and letting me know what actual #foodporn would do with that salad, you can probably keep that to yourself. I'm trying to help you guys out, but I ain't bout that life.

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Thinkstock
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Trust me, I've made several Google Mistakes. I'm good.

In conclusion, you can enjoy something without describing it as porn so you should probably just go ahead and do that.

 

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