Bert and Ernie’s Relationship is None of Our Business!

Leave them be!

Yesterday, a former writer for Sesame Street admitted that he wrote Bert and Ernie as lovers. The official Sesame Steet workshop denied this and basically said "They aren't real people so stttaaaaahhhhppppp."  For some reason, the sexual orientation of these children's characters has been a hot-button issue since before I was born. I'm here to say one thing: Bert and Ernie's relationship is none of our business.

Bert and Ernie already live very public lives. They have to worry about random celebrities and kids wandering down their street every day of their life, not to mention the litany of horrors that live on their street. You think dealing with dumpster-spinach and an actual vampire is easy?

When they close the curtains at night, that is their time. We no longer need access to them. They've done their job. Kids know how to read and stuff - let them have their evening doing what they want, whether that be exchanging gifts or Bert helping Ernie get ready for a bath.

I don't know why we need to be privy to this part of their lives. I certainly don't want to know about most of your bedroom activities, that same courtesy should be offered to the puppets who taught us stuff.

And even if they are gay, why does it matter? If anything, it sets a good example about two people who love each other and have been able to stand the test of time and remain together for several decades. Would you prefer Bert and Ernie be tearing it up on Tinder and putting themselves at risk in potentially dangerous sexual situations? No, you want them to be safe and happy.

One thing I keep seeing in comments is "What do I tell my kids if they are lovers?"

I know, explaining this type of situation can be scary so I've created a template.

Child: Are Bert and Ernie gay?

Parent: Yes.

Child: What does that mean?

Parent: It means that they are both boys but they love each other like I love your mom/dad.

Child: OK! Cookie Monster is silly!

Look at you instilling basic knowledge in your kids. They should make a Muppet out of you for those skills!

Essentially, what two consenting puppets do in their basement apartment is for them to know. If they want us to know about that part of their lives, they'll let us in. Love them regardless.

Oh, and maybe stop getting so hung up on puppet sex lives. Unless you have a felt fetish (felt-ish?), then you do you, boo-boo.