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9 Events That Solidify Your Journey Into Parenthood [That No One Tells You About]

Jason Merritt, Getty Images
Jason Merritt, Getty Images

Parenthood for most people is the journey of a lifetime.  There’s nothing quite like it.  When I say nothing quite like it, I mean good and bad.  Unfortunately, here’s the darker side of parenting.  These are 8 things that give you that irritating but much-deserved parenting badge of honor.

1) Baby Poop In the Bathtub

Poop, it happens. Especially when you’re a baby. How is a baby supposed to know not to poop in the tub? It’s nice and comfortable and warm. That’s all they know.

2) Projectile Baby Vomit

Projectile baby vomit or spit up. It goes everywhere, both of you need a bath, and it smells pretty gross. If you’re super lucky, the baby will puke in your mouth, like my son did to his dad.

 

3) Hoarding Food In The Bathroom

Sometimes you just have to hide in the bathroom and eat. That one year old will be wanting to try any and all food and non-food items. That means you have to share. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I just have to eat all of my chocolate bar, selfishly.

4) Hearing “Mommy or Daddy” For The First Time

This one is actually very heart-warming and amazing. Hearing ‘mama’ or ‘dada’ for the first time really makes you think some things: 1) AMAZING! 2) Oh my God, I AM your mama/dada! Holy crap! 3) After it happens once, it never, EVER, stops. NEVER.

5) Waking Up To A Screaming Baby

Welcome to parenthood! As soon as that baby comes out, it starts crying, ya’ll! Crying and eating and pooping. That’s a baby summed up in three key words. You’ve got to get up and feed that hungry screaming thing! Happy parenting!

6) Double Checking Your Car’s Backseat

Forgetting that you have a baby totally happens the first few weeks/months/years to some people. I mean, to a different degree to different people, sheesh! I can’t tell you how many of my friends had to be reminded that they were walking into the store without their kid. Never has happened to me, but then again I have crippling anxiety. Also, I am an exemplary parent. That last part was a lie.

7) Using Something Other Than a Diaper to Cover the Butt

Overflowing diapers happen. Forgotten diaper bags and empty diaper bags also happen. So when you have a wet or poo baby, desperate times call for desperate measures. People become MacGyver’s from having babies. Seriously.

8) Baby Poop Spanning From Belly to Back

Once your baby does the poop from belly button to shoulder blades and side to side, you have entered parenthood level 100! Not really, but it’s something every parent deals with at least once. For little tiny babies, they sure have loads of doo-doo don’t they?! So much poop.

9) Teething
Teething is just a way to punish parents in my personal opinion. Why couldn’t the baby already be born with the teeth? We could just by-pass breast feeding and everything all together and just push solids from the get go! Since it doesn’t work like that, teething happens. When baby’s get teeth they rage. Expect loads of screaming, crying, whining, chewing, and slobbering.

 

First year parents, once you have this down, you’re golden! That is, until the toddler years start. That’s a whole ‘nutha ball game.

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