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7 Everyday Things I’ll Never Understand

Nowadays when you need a question answered, you don’t look for the answer, you Google it. Yet there are some things even the almighty Google can’t possibly explain.

There’s an old saying that goes, “there’s an explanation for everything.” I beg to differ. There are some things in this world that are void of explanation. Ordinary things that happen to ordinary people like you and I at some point in time (if not on a daily basis) that our feeble human minds just can’t grasp. I present to you now, seven of those ordinary things that completely defy all logic.

Microwave “Cold Spots”

Microwave oven.
(Photo by Fernando Camino/Cover/Getty Images)

Why is it when I throw two pieces of pizza in there for one minute (or longer), 3/4 of each slice will be has hot as lava, rendering a portion of my tongue completely useless for the next two days while the remaining 1/4 will feels like I just pulled it from the fridge? What keeps the heat from hitting that 1/4 of the slice? Isn’t the point of the spinner-thingy to keep this from happening?

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Perforations

Diet Mt Dew Case
This is not as convenient as it was intended. (Ryan O’Bryan / 106-1 KISS-FM)

Look at that. Why even bother putting it there? I have never, NEVER been able to get a soft drink case to open perfectly along the perforation. Even the half cases which are designed to be sooooo convenient that you can just plop them on the shelf inside the fridge and reach in and grab an ice cold can of sugary goodness whenever you have a thirst that demands to quench with something that will just make it more thirsty (Side Note: that last sentence could stand alone as it’s own thing that I don’t understand, but I’ve already written the headline, so I’m not changing it). Instead what happens is I plop the box on the shelf, attempt to tear the opening at the perforation, only to tear off the front of the box and have an avalanche of soda cans crash to the floor. Which I then move to the back of the shelf and hope that I’m not the one who opens them.

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Thirsty After Ice Cream

Triple Ice Cream - Credit- iStockphoto - 152542088
iStockphoto

It’s not uncommon for me to enjoy a big bowl of ice cream after dinner and drown it in chocolate syrup (or Nestle’s Quik). It is also not uncommon for my throat to feel like the Sahara afterwards for reasons I cannot explain (hence the reason it’s on this list).

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Hitting Every Stop Light When You’re Late / In a Hurry

Stop Light
Damn you, red devil! I’m late for work! (iStockphoto)

As if you’re luck isn’t bad enough that you’re already running late, the traffic light gods are making matters worse by making sure the light changes just before you get into that imaginary zone of the intersection you’ve created in your mind where you’re going to test fate and proceed through the intersection if the light turns yellow.

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The Kardashian Clan

"Keeping Up With The Kardashians" Season Two Launch - Arrivals
(Photo by Charley Gallay/Getty Images)

Stop. Watching. This. Crap. The only reason anyone knows who these people are is because of Kim’s game of naked Twister with Ray J. And what’s wrong with Bruce Jenner’s face? It looks like a Ken doll after someone held a lighter to it. If you look up to any one of these people, you seriously need to re-evaluate your life.

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Full Fridge / Nothing to Eat

Refrigerator
Comstock

I do it, you do it, we all do it, and yet no one can explain it. You stare blankly into a refrigerator chock full of food, yet you can’t find anything to eat. How is that possible? Didn’t I just drop $100 at the grocery store? I even had a list!

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Pringles Cans

Why can’t the make the can big enough for my hand to fit into it? Apparently I’m not the only one who has raised this question as evident by the commercial below.

“Tip and Enjoy”? That’s your answer?!?! Do the people at Fritos, Ruffles, or Doritos tell us to do that? NO! You know why? Because they put their product into a container our freaking hands can fit in! This is ‘merica. We want to put as little effort in our salt-gorging as possible, which is something I completely understand.

 

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