6 Reasons Why Halloween is the Worst – Ryan’s List
Ghosts and goblins, tricks and treats, oh my — make it stop.
Before I get too deep into this thing, let me make it clear that despite the title of this blog post, I wouldn't say I "hate" Halloween, it's just not my thing. If you love it, and plan your costume and party for next year the moment this year's party is over, fantastic. More power to you. It's just not for me, and here's why.
1. Candy Corn
First things first, who in their right mind looks at corn, and immediately thinks "candy"? There's a ton of bad Halloween candy out there, and this is the worst. Now I love sugar, but I also love my sugar to have some flavor to it, and not crack my teeth when I eat it.
2. Getting Scared — On Purpose
Based on my eating habits, and total lack of interest in exercise, I'm already on the fast-track to a heart attack. I don't need to speed up the process by walking through a poorly -lit building waiting for someone to jump out in front of me covered in fake blood and wielding a hatchet. Go ahead, call me a sissy, I'm comfortable with it.
The idea of the dead rising and coming to eat our brains doesn't scare me, because I know it's impossible. I've included zombies on the list because the whole concept has been run into the ground.
It's not the idea of using this popular orange gourd as decoration, or giving them some sort of facial expression using a mini-saw you bought at the dollar store. It's the fact that after a while they start to rot, and you throw it away. Why don't I just save myself the time and throw five or six dollars right in the trash? Plus, they start to rot and if you don't toss them, this happens.
5. Costume Pressure
Halloween costumes are like wedding dresses. You spend a ton of money to wear them for a few hours, then you put them away never to be worn again. There's a "Keeping Up with the Jones'" mentality to costumes. All it takes is that one person who's way into the spirit of the day to create a silent competition among others that want to kick it up a notch. Oh, you spent over $1,100 on a costume so you could look like Master Chief from Halo? You're mother must be proud. And by the way, enjoy trying to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes after you've pounded that six-pack.
6. Being Ridiculed for Having No "Halloween Spirit"
If you're one of the many who just can't get enough Halloween, again, that's great, enjoy yourself. I hope you have a blast. I'm not judging you. All I ask in return that you don't judge me for not being into it. The look on people's faces when they ask you what you're going to be for Halloween and you say, "Nothing", resembles what I imagine it would look like if I stole a lollipop from a child and shattered it on the ground right in front them while laughing at their tears. As if nothing could be more horrifying than the fact that I don't get into the concept of celebrating gore, guts, and death. Like I'm some sort of monster, which makes me think I may have found my costume for this year.