You may have heard that everyone's favorite candidate for tolerance, acceptance, and the poor something, Donald Trump, will be in Evansville today for a fundraiser!

If you've accidentally found yourself with $10,000 in your pocket that you can't waste in some other way, and are attending this fundraiser (Godspeed), here are some handy-dandy tips on how to survive this "event."

1. Bring Hand Sanitizer

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At some point during the night, you might actually find yourself shaking the hand of Mr. Trump. Skin-to-skin contact is a great way to spread germs to others (just ask Howie Mandel) and there is no more of a diseased human than Donald Trump. If this happens, and you don't immediately have access to dipping your hands in lava, pull out some hand sanitizer and rub your hands until you no longer have fingerprints. If you don't, you might accidentally catch the disease known as "bigotry." Symptoms include being ill-informed of issues, fear-mongering, and being a huge douche Yacht. The hand sanitizer will also help reduce the orangeness that's rubbed off on you and prevent you from looking like you just high-fived every bag of Cheetos in existence.

2. Bring Plenty of NASCAR Talking Points

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Fancy dinner or not, you're going to have to mingle with other Trump-ettes (Trumpets? I like it) and discuss the finer things in life, mostly, who's currently leading the NASCAR truck series. You're going to want to brush up on your knowledge of engines, drivers, and jokes about only turning left. Be sure to specify that you mean the direction left and not the political left. If you are mistaken for being liberal, Trump-ettes will show their true form (half-demon centaurs with bad hair and Harley-Davidson shirts) and kick you into that pit from 300 (that Trump bought for just this occasion)!

3. Be White

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This one is self-explanatory.

4. Wear Your Finest Gun

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Boris Katsman
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It's a Donald Trump rally! If you don't wear your gun (and exercise your Second Amendment right that Crooked Hillary HATES), then why do you even own an AR-15? You need to be decked out in glocks, uzis, AK-47's and other guns regularly referenced by Dr. Dre. Don't forget to get a pre-fundraiser photo of your date pinning your fully-automatic rifle on your lapel. Be sure to bring plenty of ammo because you're gonna want shoot into the air whenever Donald Trump says something vaguely political!

5. Wear Earplugs

Credit: Ian Waldie / Getty Images
Credit: Ian Waldie / Getty Images
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This is a big one: You're gonna want to wear earplugs. If you don't, you will accidentally hear the message that Donald Trump is saying. Whether his message is deporting immigrants or suggesting the assassination of political rivals, it will seep out of his mouth and slowly into your ears, rattling around in your brain forever. If you don't have earplugs, headphones also work. No matter what option you choose, be sure to bring enough for everyone so that the message stops and we can finally stop this political nightmare!

There you have it! Hopefully, these should help you survive this fundraiser if you are unfortunate enough to attend. Did I miss any tips? Comment below!

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