We've all been there: You start a new relationship and things are going great. You're on the same level about everything and really see a future together. Then, the crushing realization hits: You've been dating a pepperoni pizza. It's tough to accept but it happens. I remember my first pepperoni pizza. It broke my heart. Luckily, I'm going to give you some tips to figure out if you are already in a relationship with these discs of deceit.

1. They Always Wear the Same Thing

Sure, when you first met, you really liked how they didn't care about their appearance. It made you feel totally fine just wearing sweatpants around them while they were always decked out in a cardboard box with a large logo advertising a pizza place. Occasionally, they'd mix it up by wearing some coupons, but most of the time, it was that classic cardboard box look.

Former NFL Star Cris Carter Delivers Papa John's Pizza In Phoenix, Arizona
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He does clean up nice, though.

Now, just because these signs are there, doesn't necessarily mean that you are dating a pepperoni pizza. This could just mean you are dating someone without a lot of clothes or a lazy person. However, if the coupons on their outfit haven't been updated in a while, there is a good chance your lover is pizza.

2. Kissing Almost Always Burns the Roof of your Mouth

We've all had some hot, passionate kisses that would make a Ryan Gosling love-scene blush. However, if your passionate kisses often remind you of shoving a Hot Pocket cooked in Hell into your mouth-hole, there might be some cause for concern.

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Pictured: When you cook a Hot Pocket 10 seconds over the recommended time

I'm no scientist but the average slice of pepperoni pizza normally burns at the same heat as four Suns. If you feel like you a kissing the sun on a regular basis, and your mouth is constantly covered in blisters, you are dating a pepperoni pizza. Or someone with herpes.

3. When Meeting Your Parents, They Asked for a Slice

In every relationship, there comes the dreaded moment where your lover has to meet the people who lover'd each other to make you. It can be stressful: What do I wear? What do they wear? Will they like this person that is actually a person and not a mixture of dough, mozzeralla, sauce and meat? Things start off really well: Everyone is super excited to see your new lover, but then, things get weird. People start asking for slices.

Republican Presidential Candidate John Kasich Makes Campaign Stop At Pizzeria In Queens, New York
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"We've heard a lot about you from our daughter."

I know you want to be progressive and not judge open relationships, but this isn't normal behavior when meeting a family. Families don't normally dig their unwashed hands into your new partners body and then begin consuming their hot, sizzling flesh. While you find it flattering that your Dad approves of your new person (he did ask for seconds), there's probably a good chance you're dating a pizza.

4. They Refuse to Talk to You

Communication is the key to any successful relationship, but your person just refuses to talk about ANYTHING. It doesn't matter if it's big or small stuff, your partner just doesn't have any opinions about anything. At first the strong silent type really worked for you. After a few weeks, though, you realize that you actually need to have conversations with someone in order to get to know them.

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"I HAVEN'T HAD A CONVERSATION IN WEEKS!"

The reason your conversations are so one-sided is because pepperoni pizza doesn't have the ability to talk. If you're with a pepperoni pizza that can talk, you might want to call an exorcist because you've got some demon stuff going on in your life. Again, you might not be dating pizza, you could just be dating someone who is emotionally closed off who has been hurt before. But it's probably pizza because people are usually very excited to talk about their feelings.

5. They Cheated On You with Your Friend Becky

Dammit, Becky! You finally find someone to be with and she just won't let you have it! There was nothing worse than finding out that your lover of 6 months was spotted being hand-delivered to Becky's house! When Becky told you she was going to "Netflix and Chill" with someone, you were happy for her. That all changed when you found out that it was your hot Italian boyfriend.

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This is the best Getty had for "Hot Italian Boyfriend"

And then, when you confronted her, Becky acted like it was no big deal and that she does it all the time! And then, to make things worse, you hear stories of your friend Hannah also getting a visit from your man! And she was bragging about how delicious he was! If this keeps happening to you, you might be in a relationship with a pizza. Or a ****boi. ****boi is always a possibility.

If any of these signs apply to you, I'm really sorry but you are dating a pizza. It's tough to find out, but ultimately, you'll be better off. I hope you find love, but I would recommend avoiding calzones, because they play too many games. I mean, are you a pizza or not!?

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