3 Ways to Survive a Family Reunion When You’re Single!

A week from this Saturday, I have a family reunion. While it'll be a good time filled with food, games, and gambling (because Catholic), it'll also be time to bring up that I'm not married or seeing anyone. If you find yourself in a similar scenario, here are 3 tips to survive your family reunion!

This year they're adding the sad-face emoji!

1. BRING UP MISTAKES YOUR COUSIN/SISTER/BROTHER HAS MADE!

Scenario: You walk into the reunion, grab a plate of food and make your way to a table to sit down. OH SNAP! Here comes your Uncle and he's got questions!

"Gavin, did you bring a special lady with you? Can we meet her?!" No, you cannot, because she currently does not exist. But, instead of saying this and hanging your head in shame, just bring up something wrong another relative did!

"I heard Uncle John might be working with North Korea!"

It's always nice to distract everyone from your relationship status by bringing up a relative that is currently in rehab or who refuses to go! Casually mention how someone cheated on their spouse and how everyone is uncomfortable that both the spouse and mistress are at the reunion (and the mistress didn't even bring potato salad)! This is southern Indiana, chances are, at least one person has a meth lab in the trunk! Talk about that instead! Everyone will be so uncomfortable by your wanton airing of dirty laundry, they'll forget that you're still emotionally broken from your last relationship and don't know if you'll ever love again!

2. TALK ABOUT PRESIDENT OBAMA!

While arguably one of the greatest President's in our lifetime, bringing up Obama is sure to get a heated debate started between everyone! This will distract everyone from the fact that this is the 4th year in a row you haven't brought a date to meet grandma (who doesn't have much time left according to everyone). You have to be careful on how you bring up Obama: You have to be subtle. Besides, people at the reunion might actually like Obama! Just kidding: No one over the age of 60 likes him!

Pictured: An argument waiting to happen

When bringing up Obama, be sure to emphasize that he may somehow become a dictator, that we really don't know what religion he is, and put some stank on how you say "Hussein" when saying Barack Obama's full-name out loud. This should get everyone nice and riled up so you can sneak off and figure out which cousin brought a flask of homemade hooch.

3. Bring a Fake Date!

This one is the toughest one to pull-off because it assumes you have friends. I'd like to take a moment to say thanks to all the ladies (and gentlemen) who have offered to be my fake date for my upcoming reunion. I appreciate the offer, but my family is not for the weak of heart and they will see through your charade very quickly.

"You're too hot for Gavin! THE JIG IS UP!"

However, if your family isn't made up of dysfunctional Jack Bauer's, you might be able to pull this off. Just grab a friend and have them pretend to be with you! It's super easy and it might actually lead to a real relationship! Again, just kidding, this isn't a Freddie Prinze Jr movie! But you'll have a good time! If you don't have a friend of the gender you're into, wig and make-up technology has come a long way! If Robin Williams can transform into Mrs. Doubtfire to spend time with his kids (and break several custody laws), your friend Brad can suck it up, put on a wig, and hold your hand in front of your crass grandfather.

"Brad, I think they're buying it!"

There you have it! These 3 tips should help you survive any family reunion! These also work for weddings, holiday parties, or any other scenario where people care a whole bunch about who you're currently sleeping with!