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15 Wacky Ways Men Hit On Women That Miserably Fail

As women, we understand that it might be hard for a man to approach us and strike up a conversation. Sometimes, our vibe can be a little intimidating. The best advice is to just not overthink it, be polite, and introduce yourself. Unfortunately, many men still struggle with the concept of trying to impress a woman. Whatever you do, do not fall into these wacky but commonly used ways of hitting on women. If you do, I promise you that you will fail epically. This list comes just in time for all you single men out there looking on Valentine’s Day!

1) Idiotic Pickup Lines

“Did it hurt when you fell, straight from heaven,” a lot of men start out. No, but my stomach is infinitely hurting right now because I want to puke at your awful pick up lines. Does it hurt when you fall on your face after getting rejected right now?

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2) Drive-by “Compliments”
Women love this (Rolls eyes into back of head). What is even the point, here? You think by screaming about our attractiveness out of a moving car that we will suddenly sprint after the moving vehicle and try to Jason Bourne our way inside to thank the man of our dreams for treating us like an objectified piece of meat? Nah. Keep on rolling, boy.

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3) Placing Our Hands on Your Body

Placing our hand on any part of your body in an attempt to produce more interest or desire in you is only going to creep us out. We just met you, dude. Cool it.

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4) Pretending To Be James Bond

Figuratively and literally. Just don’t. You come off delusional when you try to sound like a super secret agent man. You come off deranged when you start talking about your fighting skills and ability to scan a room and take down ‘everyone in this place’. Deranged and delusional are not sexy qualities in anybody.

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5) Bragging Incessantly
Generally, a man should talk a little about himself, but ultimately let the woman guide the conversation. Get to know her. Prattling on about your wealth, attractiveness, sense of humor, body, or anything else is just considered unattractive and a total turn off.

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6) Whipping It Out
NO, NO, NO! STOP. RED LIGHT. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. This is just no good for anybody. Public indecency and potential assault are not appropriate ways to hit on anyone, ever. Whip it out at the wrong woman, and you might not have anything left to whip out.

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7) Talking Crudely About Her Body
Hey guy, we already know we have an amazing back end, that’s why we wore this dress and these shoes tonight. We don’t need you to come along and talk about that fat, fine behind. Pick something more interesting about us to talk about besides our bodies.

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8) Smelling
Smell is part of that very important first impression for women. A light, fresh scent is about all we need. Dousing yourself in cologne to the point that the guy lighting his cigarette behind you might set you ablaze is too much. The amount of cologne you wear should never make you become a walking fire hazard. On the flip side (yeah, I said flip side), try not to smell like an ashtray or an old, sweaty sock either. Remember, fresh and clean go a long way.

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9) Performing Magic Tricks

Haven’t you ever heard that tricks are for kids? While it’s not always true of the cereal, it is true of dating. Please leave your magic quarters and fake flowers at home.

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10) Talking About an Ex
Dredging up your once forgotten diatribes pertaining to your ex is definitely a red flag to women. Why would you hit on a new woman by going on about an old one? Do not compare us to your ex, either. Bad, bad move. Don’t go on and on and on about anything! Just let the woman do most of the talking and try to center the conversation around other things besides yourself.

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11) Creepy Stalking
Nothing like saying, “I like you,” by physically following her around like a lost dog or creepy stalker. Please don’t creep on us in real life or on our social media or by driving by our house, etc. It’s not flattering, it’s scary. Stop it, or you just might be gifted with a restraining order one day.

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12) Asserting Yourself Physically

If a lady is in the club, having a good time dancing with her friends, don’t just come up and grind your junk on her. That’s not flirting, it’s borderline assault. It makes us feel incredibly uncomfortable and not very likely to talk to you ever again. Keep up the body pushing, and someone will familiarize you with a little thing called “Pepper Spray.”

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13) Flirting with other girls
What would make a guy think that hitting on a woman and then hitting on her best friend would be a good idea in any capacity? It doesn’t make sense. Women don’t like it. Stop it.

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14) Asking What Ethnicity She Is
Like, what? Asking someone what ethnicity they are is not only rude, but can be downright insulting. Don’t ask their ethnicity at all. If you find a woman attractive, just strike up a conversation. Does it really matter what her ethnicity is?

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15) Saying “Your Loss” When We Say We Aren’t Interested
Classy, timeless, and so petty. If a woman isn’t interested in you, just let her be on her way and be a good sport. Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s true for everybody on the planet. We are not in kindergarten, this is not friendship day. So when she tells you she’s not interested, saying, “Psh, your loss,” is not exactly a game changer. If anything, you’ve solidified yourself in her mind as persona-non-grata. The end.

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