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10 Things No One Tells You About Parenthood

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You understand where Sweet Brown was coming from… ’cause aint nobody got time for that!

We all got a good laugh from ole’ Sweet Brown but now that I’m a parent, her sage words have hit me like a ton of bricks. See #2 for an example.

Your hair will look like crap and your wardrobe will suffer.

Three hours at the salon? A whole afternoon to shop for the perfect cocktail dress? Ain no parent got time for that! Between only spending two full days a week with my child and fighting a tired toddler from pulling down clothes racks – my wardrobe consists of a Walmart t-shirt that fits during a quick grocery stop. And, my hair appointments are far and few between. Actually fixing my hair? Fussy child + curling iron = a pony tail.

You are way more interested in what your kid looks like than you do.

The up side is that when you look into a mirror, you aren’t looking at yourself. Your eye automatically goes to them. And no one is looking at you in public anyway.

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You start making time out of thin air – usually at 6 a.m. on a Saturday morning.

When my daughter wants to get up, we (as in her and I) get up. And, you find that getting up early on weekends actually makes for a better weekend. I have adopted the Saturday morning “breakfast in bed” ritual. She gets waffles and sippy cup milk in her crib or in my bed with some PBS cartoons and I get 30 additional minutes of sleep or a shower. Whoo hoo! NOTE: You will spend at least 30 minutes cleaning up crumbs and washing the sheets that day.

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You no longer love your dog more than anything in the world.

Sadly, your chihuahua that has been with you for 10 years is no longer your baby. Your baby is your baby. And, he’ll have to get over it.

 

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You are no longer the life of the party.

You have to get up at 6 a.m., remember? You butt will be in bed by 10 p.m. or 10:30 if you plan on having “breakfast in bed.”

You miss your friends but aint nobody got time for them!

They miss you too but don’t have time for you either if they are also parents. Someday you’ll all spend your golden years in a house in Miami. Until then, invite them to your kid’s birthday parties for some quality time. BYOBottles

 

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You finally understand, “Why would I make my bed in the morning when I’m just going to sleep in it that night?”

I was trying to pack for a trip a few weeks ago, and my daughter sat by the suitcase and pulled out every neatly folded item out and thew it on the ground. And she loves to go through drawers… clothes drawers, kitchen drawers, bathroom drawers. Sometimes I think, I’ll clean it up when she goes to college. Until then, I’m just going to watch another episode of Roseanne.

 

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You become one of them… a parent.

Everything your child does is magical and you want to share it. You don’t have free time and you obsess over birthday parties, holidays or anything else that your kid is into. And, there is a reason why parents are complete dorks. When your kids are little you have to act like a complete doofus to get their attention and make them happy. That mentality carries over into teen years. You can’t just switch that off…

You become your own parents.

When my older daughter brought home a puppy this week (a very cute puppy) I was very adamant about her finding it a new home because there will be NO MORE DOGS in my home. Eventually, I broke down and said she could keep it. Luckily, she was pranking me because she was just dog sitting. But, I realized I totally became my dad. It happens to all of us and there is nothing we can do about it – but we finally understand why our parents acted the way we did.

 

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