![10 Terrible Things That Happen To Your Body After You Have Kids [Gavin, Don’t Read This…]](http://townsquare.media/site/74/files/2014/03/Pregnant1.jpg?w=980&q=75)
10 Terrible Things That Happen To Your Body After You Have Kids [Gavin, Don’t Read This…]
Everyone knows that for most women, the day you find out you're pregnant is the happiest day of your life, right? Sure, but let's fast forward to the things that no one warns you about that happen to your body after the kid is either ripped from or thrust out of your loins. I'm sure Rob can relate to straining to birth things from his loins, but not quite in the same way that child bearers relate to it. Here are 10 things that happen to your body after you have kids. Beware, it's not pretty.
1. Apron Belly
Remember that nice, taught stomach you had before becoming pregnant? Taught no more! The act of growing and housing a baby, fluid, an organ, blood, and that disgusting “baby cheese” leaves you with a nice, saggy reminder of what once was and now will never be again.
2. You Start Seeing Red
It's fairly simple; after you finally get this kid out, your body decides it's not enough to just create, nourish, and birth a tiny creature. No, now you have to gush an absurd amount of blood for two to twelve weeks directly after birth. It doesn't stop there! Generally, periods get heavier and longer after having children up until menopause. Welcome to the great red sea for your forSEAable future!
3. Tiger Stripes
Hello, stretch marks! A lot of the time, no matter what you do during and after pregnancy to prevent stretch marks, they just can't be avoided. In recent years, women have been embracing these stretch marks as badges of honor for creating and nourishing a new life. We earned these tiger stripes, dammit!
4. The Demise of V
For the vaginal birthers out there, this is one of the biggest concerns. Let's incorporate a short birth lesson on how having a baby affects THAT area. The cervix opens 10cm during labor to allow the baby to pass out of the uterus through the vaginal canal, and finally out. Simple, right? Not exactly. My son's head was 14.5cm. So when you're in labor it feels like nothing less than trying to push a golf ball through a straw. Let's just say, you get real familiar with the word “sutures.”
5. Prolapse
Prolapse occurs when an organ inside the body slips forward or shifts downward at any given point. I don't want to go into too much detail, but you just might horrifyingly go to the bathroom one day and find that something is falling out of your lady parts that shouldn't be.
6. Incontinence
Yep, we pee ourselves at random intervals, but generally discreetly. Incontinence is a common development for many women after childbirth. So, you'll basically dribble a little anytime you cough, laugh, or cry too hard. Hurray pantyliners! Don't despair though, ladies. Even though it's common, it's treatable!
7. Rock Hard...Vagina?
Yes, you read that correctly. Most women deal with an array of issues related to childbirth including pelvic and vaginal pain caused by muscles that are too tight or too loose. It can be treated or cured with the help of a physical therapist who specializes in women's issues! Unfortunately, therapy sometimes has a downside like when it includes awkward treatment such as manual vaginal stretching exercises (it is exactly what it sounds like, and again, you read that correctly), but trust me, you won't regret it!
8. The Enchantress Heads Back to Asgard
Our days as sex goddess extraordinaire are fewer and far between. When you have to wake up every ten minutes to make sure your newborn is still breathing because he isn't crying (until you reach the toddler years or have another kid), there isn't much time for hanky-panky. Honestly, we'd rather sleep for the next 2 to 5 years anyway.
9. Cantaloupes That Morph into Pancakes
Boobs, glorious boobs! During pregnancy and the breastfeeding period, you have the chest of an Amazonian! They're always full of milk, making them round and gorgeous. But, when the milk dries up and it's all said and done, the plump, beautiful cantaloupes you briefly knew as your glorious boobs morph into asymmetrical, varying degrees of sagging pancakes. Total bummer.
10. And They Say Her Feet Grew Three Sizes That Day
Some women, because of hormone changes that cause ligaments all over the body to relax and stretch, experience rapid foot growth. Your feet can grow multiple sizes during one pregnancy! Good luck finding those boots in a size 11 now, bigfoot!
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